If life was a movie, this would be the part where they do one of the montages, you know the one where you see the main character goes through a bunch of character development really fast in order to learn a new skill or something like that. But this isn't a movie. And in real life the process is long and messy and hard and complicated and sometimes there are relapses and sometimes you end up hurting other people you didn't mean to hurt.
I probably don't deserve it but I would give a million dollars for someone to tell me they're proud of me. Because when you've got this much going on, it's really fucking hard and honestly you have to make that decision every single day to just keep going. And not only keep going, but keep trying to get better. Keep learning more about yourself, about your triggers and how to deal with them. Even when a tiny offhanded comment sends you spiraling. Even when the euphoric episode ends and you feel like you're about to hit rock bottom again. Even when a song comes on in the grocery store that reminded you of your dead brother and you suddenly burst into tears in the middle of the produce section. Even when the rage episode ends and you realize the person you're mad at doesn't deserve that as much as you thought they did. You really just have to keep trying. And maybe nobody is going to realize that, maybe nobody is going to try to understand just how hard it is. And as much as you hate it, maybe you just have to make peace with the fact that healing is going to be really lonely sometimes.
