Texting Ashton
Ashton: Hey, you wanna hear a joke?
You: Read at 4:33 pm
Ashton: :(
Ashton: it's a really funny joke, I promise
You: fine
Ashton: YES! *clears throat* why did the chicken cross the road?
You: I'm already regretting this
You: *sighs* why?
Ashton: to get to the witch's house
You: ???
Ashton: knock knock
You: we are texting there is no door
Ashton: KNOCK FUCKING KNOCK
You: *groans for 36425887 years* who's there?
Ashton: the chicken :)
You: ...
Ashton: get it? get it? ;)
You: ...
Ashton: haha you get :D
You: the chicken who
Ashton: -_-
Ashton: the chicken who crossed the fucking road to get to the witch's fucking house so he can kick your fucking ass because you didn't get the fucking joke
You: oh I got the joke
You: I just didn't think it was very funny lol
Ashton: that "lol" implies that you thought it was funny
You: that "lol" was thrown at you, which implies that I'm laughing at you rather than your lame joke
Ashton: ITS NOT LAME!! it took me three days to come up with that :(
You: right. L A M E
You: and kinda hurtful
You: I am not a witch
Ashton: you are correct
Ashton: you are not a witch
You: thank you
Ashton: you are the spawn of satan
You: oh so is that how it's going to be?
You: guess who ain't getting his cuddles from his best friend anymore :)
Ashton: Michael never cuddled me anyway ;)
You: well then
Ashton: I'm teasing you baby :D
You: oh so are we calling "telling mean lame jokes and insulting your best friend" teasing now?
Ashton: you think you're outsmarting me but what you don't know is
Ashton: I know you secretly like my jokes ;)
You: haha sure
You: and I know you secretly have a crush on me ;)
Ashton: WHO TOLD YOU
You: ...
You: I was... I was joking...
Ashton: so was I...
Ashton: MOVING ON
Ashton: SO DO YOU LIKE CUPCAKES? IVE GOT A JOKE ABOUT CUPCAKES
You: why do you have to be like this
Ashton: what do you call a cupcake without any frosting?
You: a muffin
Ashton: no, YOUR WORST NIGHTMARE!!
You: um im pretty sure it's called a muffin
Ashton: no it's ur worst nightmare
You: it's actually a fucking muffin
Ashton: who likes muffins anyway
You: me
Ashton: you're weird
You: and you joke is stupid so what else is new
Ashton: you take the life out of everything :(
You: that is indeed a fact
You: but you're still alive, right? :)
Ashton: no, I'm actually dead
Ashton: you killed me
You: with my hella good looks, right?
Ashton: yes
Ashton: and also your ability to drag my awesome jokes down to hell with you
You: oh Ashton
You: your jokes came from hell
You: there wasn't a need to drag them down there
Ashton: you know what
Ashton: you know fucking what
Ashton: this means war
You: I already won this war
Ashton: unfair and cruel and torturous
You: that's the definition of your jokes honey
Ashton: I'm going to sneak into your room and tape my brilliant jokes all over the walls
You: and after you do that I'm going to take them down one by one and set them all on fire :)
Ashton: ugh
Ashton: it's so hard to have a crush on you when all you ever are is mean to me
You: what
You: wait wHAT
Ashton: fuck
You: ASHTON
You: A S H T O N EXPLAIN
Ashton: gotta zayn
You: ASHTON WHAT THE HELL
You: YOU HAVE A CRUSH ON ME
Ashton: yes, indeed he does. He has liked you for six months now, and I don't think he'll ever stop ;) -Luke
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MONEY IS AN AMAZING SONG
I dtcuxrBYDRGKTSRVKOVTUBI
I WOKE UP TO THE BEAUTIFUL SOUND OF THE NOTIFICATION THAT IT CAME OUT
I'm also listening to the new lana del rey album and it is glorious
QOTC: have you ever met any of the boys?
my answer: actually, yes! I never told anyone but I was in new york one time and I saw Michael standing by some store and I walked over to him. he smiled and he was so sweet! he kissed me on the cheek and hugged me and after that everything suddenly went dark and I woke up and had to get dressed to go to school :) why am I like this
love you to the moon and back xx
