Texting Ashton
You: I know you hate me
You: but let me just tell you
You: I hate myself too lmao
You: I let you go because I thought I wasn't good enough for you
You: wow that's sad, but you wanna know what's even sadder?
You: I was. I was good enough. Especially for you. But I broke your heart and now I'm probably not anymore
You: I lost you and I'm sorry
You: but want to know the SADDEST part?
You: I still love you and you fucking hate me.
You: that's so damn sad I've cried myself to sleep every night since I lost you
You: you don't wanna hear this, I'm so sorry
You: but you haven't blocked my number yet so I figured that it was a sign for me to take a chance
You: Ashton?
You: no, it's okay. You don't have to answer. I'm the one who broke your heart.
You: I just hope you get these messages and understand. I hope you forgive me one day. I hurt you and I know your fans are starting to realize that.
You: I'm not here to ask you to ask your fans to stop sending me hate. I'm just asking you to open up your heart and don't let me hold you back from loving somebody else
You: please get over me. Please don't let me hurt you for the rest of your life.
You: you can haunt me, but don't let me haunt you.
You: I'm so sorry.
Ashton: (Y/N).
You: Ash?
Ashton: do you want to know the saddest part of this whole situation?
Ashton: I still fucking love you, that's the saddest part.
Ashton: you did me wrong because you thought you were destructive, but you weren't. The only time you were destructive was the aftermath of you leaving.
Ashton: your disappearance took a toll on me, baby.
Ashton: and I'm not ready to love another soul. For some reason, I'm still addicted to yours.
Ashton: I'm ready to love again. And I want it to be you.
Ashton: please don't leave me again.
You: I promise you I won't.
Ashton: good.
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as you can probably tell, I'm really freaking sad today.
Also my anxiety has been incredibly awful and overwhelming for this whole Christmas break and I go to school tomorrow which will worsen my anxiety and increase my panic attacks because I hate public places and school and socializing and I'm so sorry for being negative I'm just a mess.
I've also been so incredibly mean to myself and I should probably stop and follow my advice to "always love yourself" but for some reason I can't
I'm so sorry I'm ranting about my deep hatred for myself I'll go
QOTC: do any of you guys like Shane Dawson?
my answer: YES YES OMF I LOVE HIM
{ okay I've gotten quite a story to tell ya. it's weird, creepy, and hopefully interesting.
or maybe I'm just paranoid anyway.
so it all started after a few weeks of realizing that I am bi. so I had a dream, and I was walking to somewhere when this man stopped me and yelled, "you can't come out, you can't come out! you're wrong!" now I didn't know exactly want this meant but I kinda had an idea. so later in the dream, I was walking down these creepy stairs when I was stabbed by a knife and fell to the ground and died, then I immediately woke up FEELING THE PAIN OF THE KNIFE IN THE EXACT SPOT I WAS STABBED. THAT FREAKED ME OUT OKAY.
so ever since that dream I now have dreams almost every night consisting of me dying in these weird, scary ways. I literally die in every single one of them.
now if this ain't weird enough, last month my grandmother (as crazy as she may be, although she makes a hella good flan) said that she had a dream that her and I went to church together and I told her that I was leaving on the 13th. I was like "the 13th?! wtf does that mean??"
then I realized. This month. The 13th. Of January. Lands on a Friday. Friday the 13th. FRIDAY THE 13th. "IM LEAVING ON THE 13TH" XBVSHKIVYB WHAT
AND IF THATS NOT BAD ENOUGH ON FRIDAY THE 13TH IM SUPPOSED TO SEE THIS GUY IN A PRESENTATION WHO'S KINDA A PSYCHIC WHO SEES DEAD PEOPLE IM SHOOK
I may be annoying and paranoid and overthinking but this is creeping me tf out.
anyway, I love you guys. So so much.}
