Haikyuu!! x Reader

Nishinoya Yuu || Stay Together

requested by horse_pony -- I hope you feel sad bc I do.

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 He couldn't do it - Nishinoya hated nothing more in the world than people saying they couldn't do something, but he couldn't deal with it anymore. It was hard and he hurt all over because the ache in his chest wouldn't let him do this anymore - he couldn't keep dating (f/n).

They'd been together for over two years, since Nishinoya had started high school at Karasuno. She was a second year, in the same class as Asahi, and Nishinoya was immediately infatuated with her - she was smart, funny, and so cute and Nishinoya was so fucking into her. They dated perfectly the rest of that year and all of (f/n)'s third year, no real bumps, no fights, no times that were too hard.

They were good, they were happy and perfect, but then graduation came and (f/n) was moving to the other end of Japan. They decided they could do it - they would try to make it work, would spend time together when (f/n) was visiting her family on holidays and Nishinoya would maybe visit her when he could. They loved each other, and love meant they could make it work.

That's what Nishinoya told himself when (f/n) graduated and when she got on the train to leave and he was left waving at her from the platform and when he saw her for only two days during the fall and when he sat alone at the table in the cafe that they used to sit together at. Whenever he was alone and he could feel how lonely he was he, told himself that - they loved each other, they could totally do this.

He loved (f/n), and (f/n) loved him - if they didn't love each other they wouldn't have been in this situation, they wouldn't be trying so hard to keep themselves together. It's what he wants, and it's what she wants, so why is it so damn hard?

*****

Nishinoya kept his eyes on his phone, staring at the number he had been trying to build up the courage to call. It usually wasn't this hard - he called (f/n) at 7:05 every Monday from his bedroom. It was routine to him, it was just how he worked now. But it was tiring him - he had started dreading 7:05 on Mondays because it was so, so hard for him to act like he was okay when he was really falling apart on the inside.

When the time changed to 7:06 he clenched his eyes shut and pressed the button to call (f/n). She picked up immediately, her voice tired and a forced kind of happy when she said hello.

"Hey, (f/n)," Nishinoya said, his voice strained.

They did the usually conversation then - telling each other about their days, how they were doing, the sort. Nishinoya raved about volleyball and how hard classes had been getting and (f/n) ranted about how tedious all of her assignments had become and how her roommate had no sense of personal space.

It was too awkward for Nishinoya - he couldn't see (f/n)'s face, hadn't seen her in so long that it was so hard for him to even picture what kind of expression she was making while she spoke - it was agonizing. Nishinoya wanted her there, wanted to hold her - even just seeing her would be good.

There was a silence after talking about their days that left them both feeling dread in the pits of their stomachs.

"(f/n)," Nishinoya started, and tears were already welling up in his eyes.

"It's not working, huh?" (f/n) asked, and just from the sound of her voice Nishinoya could tell that she was starting to cry too.

Nishinoya didn't reply and instead choked out a sob, trying to calm himself down. (f/n) broke at that sound - Nishinoya never cried because he was always so damn chipper. He was the best at making good out of bad situations, the best at never letting bad feelings get tangled up in his life.

"Why is this so damn hard for us?" he asked in between his sobs. "We love each other, we want to date each other, so why is it so damn painful?"

(f/n) let her breaths even out a bit before she replied. "It's because we want it too much," she said finally, "We want it so bad that it's hurting to not have it - I'm actually not sure if that's too healthy for us."

Nishinoya laughed a laugh void of mirth and quite literally felt his heart shattering. "I love you so much, (f/n)," he said in a higher pitched voice, the breath leaving him in a kind of squeak. "I love you so, so much."

"I love you too, Yuu," (f/n) assured him, but Nishinoya already knew and it somehow made the situation even worse. It would be easier for him to deal with this if the feelings weren't mutual - then there would never be a chance, Nishinoya would have to move on. But (f/n) cared for him as he did for her and it made things so much more complicated, so much more stupid. "I'm sorry, Yuu."

Nishinoya shook his head despite the fact that (f/n) couldn't see him. "Don't apologize it just -" he stopped to breathe out. "It must not be meant to be."

(f/n) choked on a sob at that and Nishinoya felt his heart break a little more. "I wish it was," she admitted, and Nishinoya felt himself agreeing mentally. "I wish we were born in the same year and I wish that things had worked out."

Nishinoya started officially sobbing when she said those words - 'I wish that things had worked out.' It was the way of saying they were over without actually saying it - an easier way for them both but unbelievably hard nonetheless.

"Me too," he said, and those were the last words that were spoken for a while.

They stayed on the phone while they tried to stop crying, tried to catch their breaths - neither one wanted this to actually be over, neither one wanted to say goodbye. It was (f/n) who had finally built up the courage. She breathed out a huge breath. "Goodbye, Yuu."

"Goodbye, (f/n)." Neither of them hung up, and then Nishinoya spoke frantically. "Just one last time," he said, and (f/n) didn't need him to specify his request.

"I love you so much, Yuu." Her voice was quiet and strained like she'd been yelling for the past hour, and that was all it took for Nishinoya's heart to finally break fully.

"I love you too," he replied, and he found himself repeating those four words like a mantra, even after (f/n) had hung up the phone forever. 

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Sad Noya was requested and on my way home "Stay Together for the Kids" by Blink 182 was playing and the line 'if it's what she wants and it's what he wants then why is there so much pain?' slapped me in the face and I knew I could make myself cry. I did.

I never really thought about how fucking sad that really is though and I listen to that song most days like wtf Blink WHY???

Gonna go watch Naruto to feel better - Kakashi-Sensei is who I live for tbh.