Haikyuu!! x Reader

Tsukishima Kei || Panic

this was the first thing I ever wrote for Haikyuu -- it might be triggering so pls pls be cautious. Also this is solely based off of my own panic attacks, which most people experience in different ways. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"(f/n)?"

The girl being called didn't reply, thinking that the voice was just something her mind was conjuring up - it did that when she was in the worst of her panic. She had left the volleyball gym five minutes before hand and shut herself in a random closet in the school, hoping not to embarrass herself in front of the team.

She had managed to get to the closet before the worst of her panic happened, and now she was a sobbing mess on the floor of the small room. Her knees were pulled up to her chest and her arms wrapped around them. Her breaths were already coming out shallow, and the fact that she buried her face in her legs was just making it worse.

She was fighting off the panic and stupid fucking memories as best as she could, but she couldn't breathe right and nobody was there to help her so she wasn't doing a good job. She couldn't concentrate during her panics when she was alone - nobody who ever experienced panic attacks could, but she still scolded herself for it.

"(f/n)? I can hear you crying in there, I'm coming in okay?"

Tsukishima did as he told the girl he was going to and walked into the closet, closing the door behind him.

(f/n) wasn't sure if she was imagining it or not, so she didn't reply and continued trying to focus on anything but the constant feeling of panic rising in her chest.

Her heart jumped out of her chest when Tsukishima's hand met her shoulder, and he pulled back when she flinched. He asked if it was okay and (f/n) nodded, and he sat down beside her and started rubbing her back slowly.

"What's got you panicking?" he asked her quietly, not enjoying the state that his girlfriend was in. He knew what the answer was but asked anyways, knowing that it was important to make sure she could understand him, make sure that he just talked to her to help her out.

"T-Tsukki?"

He nodded at her and let a small smile cross onto his face. "It's me. You've been panicing for about eight minutes now, so only twelve more minutes to deal with, okay?"

A year and seven months. Tsukishima and (f/n) had been dating since the beginning of their first year in high school, so a year and seven months. She had her first panic attack near him three months into the relationship, and after that Tsukishima made sure to do extensive research.

He learned everything he could about panic attacks, so he knew that panic attacks could only last about twenty minutes at a time. He learned that it was important to keep breathing as normal as possible, and to make sure that they knew the difference between reality and their thoughts during the attack.

It had been almost two months since (f/n) had her last panic attack, and Tsukishima figured it would be about that long until she had her next one. They came at odd times. Sometimes just trying to decide what to eat for dinner triggered an attack, and other days she didn't think about panicking at all.

He hated seeing her like this; it was so unlike her to be so broken down. Most days he could make rude remarks at her and have them returned with no trouble. He never worried about her having panic attacks on those days, because they knew that those words were fake, and under them was love.

But then there were the days like today, the days that Tsukishima didn't even want to speak to her because he was afraid of triggering this. Days he knew that just the smallest slip up could ruin her week, and on those days, he was softer.

On those days she didn't want to go home after school; she didn't want to be alone because she knew that it was going to be bad if she was alone, so she would go to Tsukki's practices instead of going home.

The bad days weren't as frequent anymore, but they were still there and it broke them both down.

"Try and even out your breaths, (f/n)," Tsukishima said to her in the softest tone he'd ever used. It was always saved for her when she was like this.

He then softly counted for her so she could breath evenly, and after twelve more agonizing minutes of panicking, (f/n) was done.

They were quiet for a few minutes after the panic was over, and the girl spent this time trying to gather her thoughts.

"I'm sorry," she mumbled, and Tsukishima couldn't help but roll his eyes.

After every panic attack those were the first words she would say - she would apologize for something that was out of her control.

"There's no need to be sorry," he would always say back, and she did what she would always do and latched onto him.

She moved to straddle him and bury her face into his neck, which smelt of sweat. He was still in his practice gear, having yet to change or shower, but she didn't care; she needed to be held.

"It's all okay now, okay? Nothing's going to get you, I'm here."

In the end (f/n) knew that no matter what, no matter how alone she felt when she was panicking, she never was. Because Tsukishima was going to be beside her forever to help her, and that's all she needed to know.