Haikyuu!! x Reader

Sawamura Daichi || Insecure

 you all are beautiful - whether you think you have too little or too much pudge ^.^

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Daichi had never really been insecure - he was a pretty good looking man with a great personality, and he was pretty damn smart. In high school he'd never really been unsure of himself; he was good at being a captain, good at getting high scores in his classes, he was a good son. When college started, all of this seemed to change.

First, he stopped playing volleyball in order to focus on his studies. In his first year he still sometimes went to the gym to play with Kuroo and Bokuto, and he lifted weights and jogged every morning. His second year wasn't too hard homework wise either, so he had time to jog and lift weights and fuck around with Kuroo and Bo on the court. (f/n) was also the perfect girlfriend and helped him make healthy snacks for when he finished these activities.

Daichi's third year of college it all was hectic as hell; Daichi was forced to quit lifting weights so he could study, he was forced to stop passing time with Kuroo and Bokuto so he could attend later classes, he stopped running so he could fit in an extra few minutes of sleep in the morning because damn college was exhausting. (f/n) had harder classes too, so they couldn't cook together as often - healthy snacks were traded for chips and takeout, and it was only a couple of months before Daichi's body started to show this.

His pecs got more flabby, his abs grew less and less defined every month until all that was there was a little pouch of fat and skin, and his calf muscles weren't as stellar as they used to be - he was letting himself go. At first he wasn't worried; gaining weight - or rather losing muscle - happens to everyone at some point in their lives, and this point just happened to be Daichi's. He kept telling himself it was temporary - during the summer he'd get back into shape, during winter break he'd find time to work out, he'd find time to run sometime next week, but it never worked.

Once Daichi realized he was destined to be less muscular than Kuroo and Bokuto - both of whom had managed to gain more muscle and less fat over their three years of university - he started feeling down - he felt lesser. He couldn't help but worry that (f/n) was going to leave him because he wasn't fit anymore, because his thighs and his calves and his arms weren't stellar anymore.

He'd started frowning at his reflection like he'd seen (f/n) do before when her makeup wasn't right or her hair wouldn't curl, and then he felt worse because god was he blowing this out of proportion. He knew (f/n) didn't care - many times she'd told him this - but he couldn't fight the anxiety and worry that she was going to leave him because he'd gone soft - literally.

It was the worst, and Daichi had never known that feeling bad about yourself was this terrible, this hindering on every day situations - he couldn't go anywhere new without comparing himself to the people around him, checking if he was the 'fattest' person there or only the second or third 'fattest', and it was exhausting.

"Daichi, stop it right now," (f/n) said. He looked up from the photo on his phone he'd been looking at - one of he, Kuroo, and Bokuto from a few days ago - and decided to play dumb.

"Stop what?" he asked, locking his phone quickly even though he knew (f/n) had seen the picture.

(f/n) gave him a little stare, hoping he'd correct what he said. When he didn't (f/n) decided to speak up. "Stop fucking comparing yourself to others, you're good looking, Daichi."

Daichi's eyebrows furrowed, and he felt sadness bubbling up in him - sadness was best dealt with with anger. "I'm not, I'm fat, (f/n), that doesn't make me fine."

"Would you still love me if I was fat?"

"Yes, of course, you're beautiful no matter your weight."

"Then why the hell are you being so hard on yourself, Daichi?" (f/n) asked incredulously, one hundred percent curious because she didn't understand.

"Because -" Daichi cut himself off because he didn't know. "It's just different, (f/n) okay? It's fucking different."

(f/n) didn't feel offended by his language. "Can you tell me why it's different at least? I want to understand Daichi because I don't get it and I want to help you."

Daichi didn't reply, just turned his head to the side, not wanting to face (f/n). He knew she could help - she'd explain this to him and make him feel better, even if only for a few minutes - but he didn't want that, he didn't want to talk he just wanted to be fit again.

"Daichi, there is no problem with you gaining a little weight."

"Yes there is!" He finally said, looking at her with wide, scared eyes. "Kuroo and Bokuto are still so fit, (f/n). They're still buff and in shape and it's not fair."

(f/n) frowned. "Of course they're more fit than you, Daichi, they still exercise."

Daichi huffed, "yeah, thanks for the confidence boost."

(f/n) moved from her spot across the living room and sat on the coffee table in front of him. "That wasn't an insult, Daichi," she said, and he just huffed again, not wording a reply. "What are you majoring in?"

"Why does that matt-"

"Sports medicine, right?" Daichi nodded his head, not used to (f/n) being so damn forward with him. "And what are Bo and Kuroo majoring in?"

Daichi's voice was barely a whisper when he said, "Bokuto wants to go to the Olympics and Kuroo wants to be a coach."

(f/n) nodded. "Yes, and how did they get into this school?" (f/n) didn't wait for a reply. "Scholarships for volleyball, correct. You got in on your grades, Daichi. You got in because this school wanted you for your big, beautiful brain."

Daichi still didn't see the point, and (f/n) took that as a sign to continue.

"Bokuto and Kuroo are pretty much being paid to stay fit as hell. If they lose muscle or become bad at volleyball then they are kicked out of school. You," she said, poking him in the chest, "are pretty much being paid to stay in this shitty little apartment all day and study. You don't have time to exercise, Daichi, and that isn't bad."

"Yes it is, (f/n), I let myself go."

"Yes, you're pudgy, Daichi." He cringed at the sincerity in her voice, face in a frown. "But that's okay, pudgy isn't bad. You're not fat by any means, but if you were it wouldn't matter because fat isn't bad either - fat is a descriptive word just like fit and skinny and straight and gay - there is nothing wrong with your belly, Daichi. It's beautiful just like your abs were, just like your brain is - it's beautiful because it's you Daichi, as fucking cheesy and sappy as that sounds. Your body and your mind are stellar as all hell, and I love every aspect of you Daichi."

Daichi couldn't fight the smile that crossed his face because (f/n) just called him beautiful. Yeah, she did that a lot, especially once he started feeling this way, but it was so sincere - she didn't lie to him. Daichi was pudgy - his little pack of fatty tissue and skin at the bottom of his abdominal area was pudge, but it was a part of Daichi, and (f/n) loved it despite it being squishy and - in Daichi's opinion - gross.

"If you want we can try to get a schedule around so you can jog or lift weights or hang with the buffians once or twice a week. You don't gotta, because you're pretty, but if you want to I can help you."

Daichi grabbed her and wrapped her into a hug. "I love you (f/n), thank you."

(f/n) grabbed his arms - the not so noticeably buff anymore arms - and leaned in to kiss him. "I'm here to keep you sane, Daichi - you do the same for me." 

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a storm is a brewing outside and it's fucking with my wifi.

It's good for me though bc the three cats that sometimes sleep with me are always with me when it storms and I'm swimming in cats rn it's heaven I love cats so much. 

hope you are all doing so v well ^.^