Haikyuu!! x Reader

Bokuto Koutarou || Doubt

requested by Mcxynth -- I really hope you enjoy bc I had fun writing this ^.^

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 In (f/n)'s eyes Bokuto was the best - enthusiastic, talented, kind hearted, seemingly perfect. He was always there for her, always bringing her up when she was down, always doing things for her without asking if it's what she needed - he was the best boyfriend she could have asked for.

But when Bokuto got down there was no way for her to make him understand that.

He doubted everything he did, talked down on himself like he was a murderer, throwing insult after insult at himself because he believed he wasn't good enough for anything kind. It exhausted her, it made her feel like shit because she couldn't make him better - she could only sit by and try to comfort him while he fought his thoughts.

Turns out she hadn't even seen the worst.

The worst was him not being able to sleep at night because his feelings of inferiority, because his thoughts of how worthless he was were keeping him awake at night. He didn't want to be awake alone those nights, but he didn't want to wake up (f/n) who was sleeping like an angel beside him, so he instead picked up his phone and walked to their living room.

He dialed in the number he knew better than anyone's and waited for the person to pick up. When he did his voice was groggy, but he was alert anyways.

"Bokuto-San? Are you okay? You're calling pretty late."

"Akaashi," Bokuto said, his voice shaky but rather void of emotion.

Akaashi was a little panicked with his best friend's voice, and the tone in his own voice showed his concern. "Bokuto-San what's wrong? Did (f/n)-San do something? Are you both okay?"

Bokuto huffed, "she's perfect as usual, Akaashi."

Akaashi frowned. "Then what is wrong, Bokuto-San?"

"That's what's wrong, Akaashi!" Bokuto said rather loudly, tears forming in his eyes. "I'm not good enough for her - the only thing I can do is spike a volleyball, how the hell is that good enough for someone like (f/n)? She's so perfect, and I'm not shit compared to that."

Akaashi let Bokuto's breathing calm before he spoke. "Bokuto," he said, dropping the honorific like he did in serious situations like this one - Bokuto liked it because it made the conversation more intimate, made him feel closer to Akaashi. "You love (f/n), correct?"

Bokuto frowned. "Of course I do. If I didn't I wouldn't be so worried about not being good enough for her."

"And you care about her? And you'd do anything for her to be happy?"

"Again of course, Akaashi. Are you insinuating that I don't?"

"No Bokuto, I just think you need to realize that those things make you good enough. If you love (f/n) and you would do anything to have her happy then you are good enough. You aren't harming her and she isn't harming you, and you both care about and love each other. You're good enough for her Bokuto, I promise you."

Bokuto started crying then, sobs shaking his body. "Then why do I feel so little and useless compared to her?"

"You shouldn't be comparing yourself to her, Bokuto. You shouldn't compare yourself to anyone because you're different. (f/n) is happier with you, Bokuto, and if you're happier with her then that is enough. Compare the you now to the you before (f/n), and if you're better now then everything is okay."