Out of Time [Brian Jones]

The Last Time

*
Well I told you once and I told you twice
But you never listen to my advice
You don't try very hard to please me
With what you know it should be easy
Well this could be the last time
This could be the last time
Maybe the last time
*

I couldn't remember that I had fallen asleep, but it seemed like I did manage too somehow. I must have been still quite tired to simply drift off to sleep, after that... Only thinking about it gave me an odd feeling and waking up in Brian's arms didn't make it any better. Why did he kiss me? Just for fun or was there really something more? I doubted it was, it just seemed too unrealistic... There was no reason why Brian should even be interested in me except maybe for the fact that I hadn't given into him yet... Maybe that was it? He probably wasn't used to a girl said no to him, hence the interest in me. I sighed relieved that actually made sense for once and still Keith's words lingered on my mind... Brian treated me different, but wasn't that normal? I mean I really wasn't like all the other girls he usually kept around, nor was our relationship anything like that... Even if I nearly wished it was so simple, that I was his girlfriend instead off his private fortune teller, that he wouldn't die and just enjoy his life as he wanted it to be... No troubles with his band and nothing else. Just him happy...

He looked even while sleeping tired and his eye wasn't looking good either. I bid my lip feeling guilty. The last of my intentions had been hurting him in any way, he didn't earn this...He could be a real ass sometimes, that was true and there were probably more than one situation I could have strangled him and still there was this part of him that was just so vulnerable and kind...

Brian reminded me of a jigsaw puzzle of some sorts. Every piece made up another aspect of his personality, making it nearly impossible to understand him, if all you had was just one little piece. You needed them all assembled cautiously to maybe see a glance of the real him along with a huge amount of patience and sympathy.

However this thinking wouldn't get me anywhere, I needed to get up to eat something. To get me back in some normality. I couldn't just spend the whole day in bed. I needed to work the next day, even if I really had no desire for it at all. Not that I usually liked to go, just now it seemed even worse, but what was I supposed to do? I just couldn't call in sick, because I didn't want to go or could I? I had never done it or even considered it, because I needed the money, but now that was no longer an issue. I bid my lip. A day couldn't hurt and there was a first time for everything... And maybe that's what I needed now?

I could spend the day on my own and finally get some peace for once or at least try to cope with everything on my mind, that surely sounded not too bad. Slowly trying not to wake Brian up I got out of bed and left his bedroom.

I called Mr. Evan before I could change my mind and back out again. He was a bit surprised, but didn't see a problem with it and gave me the day off. Somehow this nearly seemed too easy. On the other hand I had never done this before, how should I have known?

This presented me however with a new problem, what exactly was I supposed to do with my day? In the past I had no problem planning just a day by myself, but now it just seemed strange, not considering anyone... On the other hand now that I think about it most of my free time I had spent doing housework or drinking with Mary anyway... No wonder Brian or the others thought me serious, it probably did sound rather boring. It had happened so much in the last two months... There were a lot of things I could have lived without and still despised all the stress and the worries I had to admit it was kind of fun too. Definitely something else and still I wondered if this really was the right way. Brian gave me the impression he clung to me more and more and it worried me or maybe I was just imaging things... I probably really needed a day on my own to clear my head a bit.