Out of Time [Brian Jones]

You Better Move On

  You ask me to give up the hand of the girl I love
You tell me, I'm not the man she's worthy of
But who are you to tell her who to love?
That's up to her, yes, and the Lord above
* 

Edgar's special place to have tea was a room somewhere in the back of the funeral parlour, but I should have expected it to be honest. Edgar wasn't exactly the going out type, but neither was I. I had been in the room only on a few occasions, but I had never remarked how cosy it actually looked like. I could understand why Edgar liked to be in here. It wasn't much, but it felt peaceful. It was quiet and the window outside offered a nice view of the garden, to which I hadn't paid much attention to until now. Whoever looked after it seemed to be really passionate about his job. I suspected Edgar was behind it, but I didn't dare to ask. I still felt awkward with him and scared after earlier in the bathroom. Scared of seeing something in him that he wasn't. Edgar wasn't Brian and he would never be, no matter how much Mary thought they looked alike.

"How was your vacation?" Edgar asked. He had made himself and me a cup of tea and we had sat down on some chairs facing the window for which I was glad. I didn't want to look at him, even if I didn't think that they looked that alike. I had Mary's word inside my head and they wouldn't leave me.

"I don't know... I suppose it was fine," I mumbled unsure. The vacation had been fine, beside the end perhaps, but that wasn't exactly something I wanted to talk about. Mentioning Brian to Edgar felt wrong, even if I had no idea why exactly.

"You don't sound very happy..."

I took a deep breath and looked down to the cup in my hands, just wishing to move on from this conversation. Edgar meant well, surely, but I didn't wish to talk about it. "It's fine. I just tend to worry over nothing and I don't want to complain to you."

"I understand, but you're not bothering me..." He said sounding a bit unsure as well for whatever reason. "I'm glad to speak to somebody else than just Oliver. I like him, but it's always the same. I mean your life must be exciting."

I sucked in a deep breath, suddenly realising why Edgar seemed so unsure around me. He was after a story about Brian or the Rolling Stones and probably didn't know how to address the topic without making it very obvious, that's probably why he had been so nice to me as well. I nearly felt like laughing at my own stupidity, of course Edgar was after the Stones and not me. Why should he want to talk to me? I was boring, stiff and I had no idea what more. In the past by choice, I didn't want people to bother me, but now I just felt annoyed at it. I didn't want to be overlooked or just have people speak to me, because of Brian. I was more than his girlfriend, if I even was. Brian had said he wanted to be with me, blimey he had wanted to ask me to marry him, but still we had never put a label on to our relationship and sometimes I did wonder how serious he really was about it. Especially when he was annoyed at me and didn't talk to me. I loved him and knew I probably should trust him, but it was sometimes hard.

"I mean you went through so much..." Edgar added tearing me out of my thoughts after I hadn't replied to him. "I was still very small when my father died and can't remember much, but I know how sad my mother was and it must have been so much harder for you..."

"You're interested in me?" I asked astonished, finally looking up from my cup into his face. Edgar was blushing anew and his eyes were widened and I realised what I had actually said and how easily it could be misinterpreted. " Sorry, I didn't mean it like that... you just surprised me that you wanted to talk about me," I added embarrassed and I was seriously hoping I wasn't blushing as well.

Edgar seemed to relax at my words and I nearly let out a sigh of relief. Whatever this was it was awkward enough and I just wanted to get away from him, at least for as long as I had Mary's words haunting me. "And not about your boyfriend?"