Out of Time [Brian Jones]

We Love You

You're dead and then we're in
'Cause we love you
We love you.
Of course, we do

*

A.N. : This chapter will prbly make you like me even less. Sorry~

Keith sat next to me on Brian's couch smiling just like he had before, but this time he had a child on his lap. A boy, who was chuckling and looking very happy at whatever it was that was going on. Keith pulled faces and he only laughed more, even I had to smile. Keith looked so natural with the child and I wondered if it was perhaps his son, but no matter how I hard I looked, I couldn't spot any similarity between them. The child reminded me of somebody else and a dreadful thought started to unfold in my head. I knew there were more people with that hair colour or face structures, but the boy looked so much like my brother... It couldn't just be a coincidence. The boy had to be related to me, but that was impossible... I mean I didn't want children nor had I- except with Brian. Was this perhaps our son? It had to be... But how? Didn't I die? I had to survive then... There was no other way.

The boy reached out for me to hug me and I happily did. It was odd I had no memories and still I knew that I loved him very much. I kissed his head and I think I heard him say 'I love you, mummy'. I wasn't sure which version of me was moved to tears, but all my life I had just wanted something normal and here it was. I had a family or at least a son... And I wondered what had happened to Brian. We were in his home, but there was no trace of him, there was only Keith. He looked good, his hair was longer and it suited him. He was smiling at me and I felt myself return it. It couldn't be that I was with Keith, could it? I surely wouldn't have left Brian, but maybe he had left me... Still why were we at his home then? I had to be with Brian, there was no other option.

I had hardly blinked, but the scenery before my eyes had changed so much in that little moment. Keith was gone and Brian had taken his place. We were outside in his garden and it was spring or early summer, I wasn't sure but the weather seemed better. Brian had his arm around me and it felt so good, so peaceful. The sun was shining, Brian was smiling and everything seemed perfect. I nearly wished I could have stayed in this moment forever, but I hardly had the thought, when my mind was off again.

It was dark and I was alone or I at least thought so until I felt a hand on my arm. Hospital. Sick. Death. (date) 1993. I pulled my arm immediately away and told whoever it was to let me go, I think. I seemed to know him or I did at least then. I couldn't recall anyone with that death date though. Maybe I hadn't met him yet and I wasn't sure if I really wanted to. He grabbed me again with the same result. I clearly felt unwell with him in my presence, even though I didn't know why. Who was he? Before I could however get another clue, my vision changed again.

I was in Keith's bedroom and I would have yelled out if I could. This couldn't be true, I told myself, but it was hard denying it when I was naked with Keith in his bed, but why? I would never cheat on Brian... I felt a huge sadness in me, guilt perhaps? I wasn't sure... It was so confusing and to my shame at the same time it felt so good. Keith was kissing me and I returned it nearly urgently. I wanted to stop, I really wanted to, but the vision me had other plans and all I could do was hope to be in a different one soon.

Again I was feeling awful, but at least Keith was gone. I still couldn't believe that I had or would do that. There had to be a reason for it, a very good one... There just had to be. A horrible feeling in my stomach yanked me out of my thoughts, I felt like I needed to vomit, but I gladly didn't. However, it made me finally concentrate on the vision I was currently in. It looked like I was in a doctor's office, but this time alone. There was no trace of Mary and I wondered what I was doing here on my own. There wasn't much to help me figure out it though, the doctor was talking and I couldn't hear a word. All I caught was his name Dr. Moore marked on the nameplate on his table, before the vision changed anew.