Out of Time [Brian Jones]

Pain In My Heart

  Pain in my heart
Somebody stop this
Pain in my heart
It's killin' me baby
This pain in my heart  
*

A.N: Usually I say something at the end, but for once I'll break that tradition. First sorry for being so late with this...  There's no excuse I know, but I was very busy. I hope this chapter makes a bit up for it. It's the last bittersweet intermission I guess, before we head to the end. (There are 5 to 10 chapters left?)

Oh and a big thank you for everyone that is still keeping up with this story. I've been writing it now for 2 years and I never expected it to get this far. When I published the intro I thought if I ever reached 500 votes that would be the most amazing thing ever, but I probably won't make it that far. But omg I've got over 2K votes and over 20K reads until now and met sooo many great people through this story. I can't say how much I appreciate this, which is why I really want to get my motivation back and finally write more regularly again. We're close to the end and I don't want to leave you hanging any more... Though I fear the end of this story will be my end as well. 

Anyway, enjoy.~

Brian had several people visit him last month to talk about music, a band or - to be completely honest I had no idea about what, as soon as somebody entered the house I run away.  I painted, cleaned or did anything that gave me an excuse to stay away. I really didn't like meeting new people, not only because I perhaps found out how they died, but whenever I looked into their eyes I could clearly see what they thought of me. I had seen a picture of Brian's last girlfriend and she was beautiful whereas I just looked like a frightened ghost on my good days.  

I had tried to be welcoming, polite and show an interest in Brian's life, but it just felt wrong and soon I gave up and stayed away. I didn't belong with them and no one seemed to question my absence either, not even Brian. Maybe he was only relieved that he didn't need to fear I would run off with anyone that way. My contact to other people was even for my standards very limited. After Mary's wedding, we decided to talk to each other occasionally on the telephone, but that was it. At the funeral parlour I had Ben, Mr Evan and I had even talked to customers, but now I had only Brian left, not that I minded. Yet I missed my job on some days, it seemed wrong to just sit at home and do nothing. My mother had worked as had my grandmother- my grandfather had fallen ill very early in their marriage and it was up to her to look after him, my mother and earn money. I was the first woman in my family in three generations who had given up her job to stay at home and judging from my visions it would remain so... In a way I think getting pregnant scared me just as much as Brian's upcoming fate did. 

I wondered if my father had left my mother, because he was perhaps like me and had gotten tired of seeing his family die all over again... or was it really as simple as Brian claimed it to be that he simply hadn't wanted to be responsible for us? I wasn't sure which answer I preferred. I really didn't want to be alone at the moment and to be just with Brian as long as I still could, but as long as he was still trying to do whatever it was he wanted to proof himself and we had people over I stayed away. I just couldn't stand them and their judging expressions. Misunderstanding was still the nicest feeling on their faces, pity just hurt and I just wanted them to leave. 

My wish was never granted that easy though, it always got late. 

I was laying on the bed drawing something, I couldn't exactly name. I just wanted to pass time until Brian send them away and I could be with him once more. To feel his skin on mine, to breath in his smell and to hold on to him until I finally drifted off into sleep. At this point there was no doubt about it, I was completely and helplessly in love with Brian. A tear dripped onto my picture and was soon followed by another. Was love supposed to hurt so much? If so why did people even bother with it? It was awful.