Out of Time [Brian Jones]

Take It Or Leave It

You can turn off and on more times
than a flashin' neon sign.
When you want you're bad
But you can be so kind
Just take it or leave it
*  

Surprisingly Brian did indeed call a doctor.

I had seriously doubted it, because he seemed more like the type to shrug it off, take something for the pain and forget about it. Brian didn't act very reasonable most of the time or at least not to me, but I supposed we had two different definitions of reasonable. I was boring in his eyes and he reckless in mine.

Even if I couldn't understand why being boring was so bad. Brian's life was a rollercoaster ride and he couldn't tell me that he enjoyed exactly that. He might have changed a few things, but judging from his death he still needed to get his act together or maybe we only needed to have at least a talk, because this surely couldn't go on. Who knew what he would come up next with and what consequences that would bring with. This time, nothing bad had happened, but I had seen what lurked in his future...

Brian wasn't going to die. He wouldn't. I wouldn't let it happen, but seeing him hurt and the doctor threat him, didn't really lift my mood. Could it really be my fault than he would die, I wondered and if so what was I supposed to do then? Run away and what? No, I knew that wasn't an option, because I couldn't leave him. I really did care for him and I wondered to what degree.

Was I maybe indeed in love with him?

I had to be or why else would I worry so much about him? And the girl... It had hurt seeing him with her, which was something I just couldn't deny, but what did that mean for us now? I couldn't picture this story with a happy ending no matter what my feelings might be for him...

I would have done everything for a drink to chase these thoughts away, but I was sitting next to Brian and holding his hand, squeezing it now and then for reassurance as the doctor stitched and bandaged his wound, making it impossible for me to leave him for a second. Brian kept his eyes on me the whole time and I was more than glad that I still was rather drunk, even in this state it was unsettling enough.

It was already late in the morning, when the doctor left us. He had given Brian something for the pain, which I had thought was a very bad idea, but I didn't voice my thoughts and until now Brian hadn't seemed that bad, so I could just hope nothing more would come out of this.

We were both exhausted, desperately needed sleep and even though we urgently needed to talk, this probably could still wait a few hours until we had rested to a degree both of us could think and act reasonably again. Brian was on meds and I was still drunk and a total bundle of nerves after what had happened and the clearer my mind got the worse my nerves got.

"You should go to bed..." I said to Brian, after we had sat quietly together for some time. It hadn't been awkward, but instead it had felt rather nice to be honest. Just to sit down with him without any drama between us for once. Only a moment of silence, after a troublesome night.

"Are you sleeping with me?"

"If you mean that I'm sleeping with you in one bed than yes," I replied as I let go off his hand.

"You're no fun..." He pouted and I nearly had to laugh at him. He was childish, yes but sometimes it was amusing and even cute, which made me nearly hit myself. I couldn't think of him as cute, not when we still had to clear this up... I was just tired and drunk and surely nothing more, I reassured myself.

"I think you had enough fun yesterday... Come on I'll help you up and we go to bed," I answered and got up from the chair.

"I didn't sleep with her... and if I had, I would have only done it, because you frustrate me so much," he mumbled as I put his arm around my shoulder. Water. Suffocating. Death. "Can't you just give me a chance? You know, I really want you."