Out of Time [Brian Jones]

What To Do

What to do yeah
I really don't know
I really don't know what to do
What to do yeah
I really don't know

*

I actually hated attending funerals.

There were people and that always meant I found out things I'd rather didn't know. I might have become a bit more open to people in general, which certainly didn't mean I started to like being among large crowds though and neither how to act accordingly most of the time.

I wasn't sad that Mrs Reed was dead no had her death really surprised me. I had know this was going to happen since the first time I met her and well she hadn't done a lot to make me like her either in the time I knew her... In all honesty I couldn't care less about her death, the only thing on my mind that bothered me was the notion that the next funeral I was going to witness would be one I couldn't brush off that easily.... and well Edgar as well.

All I wanted was Mrs Reed's funeral to be over and done with, so that I could go back home, but I had promised to help Edgar, who still was a mess... The moment I entered the Church and he saw me, he held onto me and didn't let go off me for a minute during the whole ceremony or even after it.... I avoided looking at him at least the whole time. Being so close to him made me feel guilty enough.

It wasn't only because of Edgar's alikeness to Brian or that I hadn't said a word about his mother's approaching death, but I realised far too late that it must have looked as if he and I were married or that I was at least his girlfriend, making me only want to get away even more than I already did. It might have annoyed me that Brian had always acted so possessive over me in the past, going as far as pulling me away from everyone, but this time I would have been very thankful for his behaviour.

Brian hadn't bothered to come along for well several reasons. Obviously he hadn't known Mrs Reed, secondly it would have raised too much attention and well he wanted to work on his music. Apparently he was supposed to meet some people today to get something together. I was glad for him that he finally got time to work on something he liked, even if I would have preferred not to be alone.

At least the funeral was short and to say I was relieved about it would have been a total underestimation. I just wanted to leave, but well there still was my promise to Edgar... and after everything he had done for me in the past months I at least had to return the favour to a degree.

I never understood why people sat down after funerals to have dinner together, it probably was supposed to be in honour of the deceased, to me however it looked more like a celebration than anything else, but what did I know anyway? I couldn't remember my brother's funeral, but I did remember my mother's. It had only been me and my grandmother and the only thing she said to me the whole day was that she was sorry. I always wondered why, but never dared to ask. At some point I had figured out that it was better for somebody in my situation to be quiet than have people think me odd, which was exactly what I was trying to do now as well.

During the whole dinner, I just remained silent and nobody seemed to mind. From the few people that had been at the funeral even less went back with Edgar and the only ones who talked to me anyway were Edgar and well Oliver, who just had made a crude remark about me quitting my job and finally accepting my place in society. The woman who had come with him which I assumed was his wife had looked a bit awkward at that, but I had the feeling she resented me for whatever reason anyway. Whenever she glanced in my direction, she seemed disapproving. I suspected Oliver had told her less than pleasing things and depending on what she had heard about Brian as well, had helped lower her opinion on me as well.

I couldn't be happier, when the last person left and the only thing left to do was the cleaning up. I had tried to call Brian earlier and tell him I would be home later, but there had been no reply, meaning he hadn't been home yet, so I figured he wouldn't mind me being late as well. The worst thing that could happen was that he turned up on Edgar's doorstep, yelled at poor Edgar, then I probably would have stepped in and argued with Brian and in the end the fight probably would have ended in his bedroom sooner or later, judging by our history.