Out of Time [Brian Jones]

As Tears Go By

It is the evening of the day
I sit and watch the children play
Smiling faces I can see
But not for me
I sit and watch
As tears go by
*

"I am sorry..." I said before he could act or even see me. I had no idea how this would turn out, it always was a surprise with Brian. One moment he was decent, nice and sweet even and the next he was just a bastard... Therefore it just seemed right to tell him I'm sorry, before he even knew I was here or I perhaps wouldn't get the chance again. "I shouldn't have said it. It just seemed far more probable than you wanting to keep me around..."

He turned around and I couldn't really judge his face. He seemed tired and annoyed, but like always with him there was hint of sadness as well. I wondered what his vision would show if I touched him. I nearly wanted to reach out, but didn't. Brian would know what I would be up to and I doubted that this would mend any relationship we still had.

"What are you doing here?" he asked frowning.

I had expected a lot, but not that. On the other hand, it seemed typical, that he missed the important bit and concentrated on some small detail first. "Keith brought me along."

Brian rolled his eyes. "Of course he did. He's your friend and not some job..."

That actually sounded more like something I had expected him to say. I heard some noises from behind me, but didn't turn around. I could imagine what was going on... I probably should now think about what I was going to say to him. I would have stopped this conversation, if it wasn't something we both desperately needed... "You are too... and I didn't mean it like that... I don't know, but you were not expecting me to live forever with you, were you? Be honest for a minute."

He sighed. "No... But I like having you around and then you just tell me you'll leave... I- I just don't know, if this is even changing anything... You have your job, your own life and I am not part of it... "

I took a deep breath. "I'm sorry if I gave you that impression... Brian, you are surely a part of my life, but my job is too and I just can't give everything up, because you asked me too. I need this, however if it's some comfort to you I took a whole week off after you threw me out." I smiled a bit.

He looked at me as if I had grown another head. "Seriously? I thought you would work no matter what."

I looked away from him, because I felt uneasy under his gaze, especially after two weeks of not seeing him nor was this something I really wanted to tell him. Admitting that leaving him had affected me to the degree I hardly did anything else than drink and hid away in my flat definitely didn't sound like a good idea at all. Even if I knew Brian had probably reacted the exact same way towards me leaving his life, if Keith was to be believed, still this seemed too personal. "I didn't feel good and I needed some time to think..."

I could still feel his eyes on me, which wasn't really helping my awkward feeling. "And what did you find out?" He asked.

"Nothing much, besides that I probably think too much and probably shouldn't..."I mumbled. "Oh and apparently living with me is hell. Mary doesn't go as far as to throw me out, but I think she would be really thankful if I'd moved back in with you. " I said finally looking up at him.

He seemed surprised and raised his eyebrows. "And you?"

"I promised you." I smiled. "And I don't break my promises, even though you make it quiet hard. It's the third time you've thrown me out in something a little bit more than a month."

He returned my smile and I could feel the situation relax. "Well if you wouldn't argue with me on everything..."

I rolled my eyes. "And if you wouldn't perhaps overreact over everything..."