Out of Time [Brian Jones]

I Want To Be Loved

  I love the way you walk when you pass me by 
And even when you try to snub me 
You kiss me, honey when you give me the eye 
But baby, I want to be loved. 
*

A.N: Sorry last chapter was even a bit too much drama for this story, but well... There's not too much time left and well so maybe Brian and Charlie have to rush things a bit more from now on. So a quick warning: there's going to happen a lot in the next few chapters, but we're close to the end. Well "close". There are probably still 20 chapters left. lol

I couldn't believe Mary had just left so abruptly or everything else that had happened. 

How could I have been so blind? I had suspected that there was something more between Mary and Brian, but I always overthought things, so how could I have known that for once I maybe could have been right? It was a mess.

Brian had tried to comfort me, but I had told him to leave me be. Reluctantly he had obliged and I had sat down in my room, not sure what to do, to think or even to feel.  All I knew in that moment was that I could understand why Mary wanted to go back. On some days I wished for the exact same thing... No worries over death or anything else, just Mary and me in a bar. Of course I knew we couldn't have gone on forever like that nor did I regret meeting Brian, but on some days my life just seemed easier back then.

I didn't want my old life back though, all I wanted was for this one to be less messy... But maybe life was supposed to be and I only had no idea, because I always had been on my own. Now there were so many factors and people added to it, that I had no idea what to think about first... It was however hard to ignore the most obvious one. 

Did I really want to know what Brian and Mary agreed on? What I know was bad enough that I doubted I wanted to hear the rest... It hurt to think that my best friend would sell me that easily, even if I suspected she had her reasons. Mary was in a difficult situation right now and some money could have helped her at least for a while... She had to think about herself and the child first. So could I really blame her for taking it?

Maybe not. And Brian? He just wanted me to be there for him, when he didn't have much time left... It might have been naive of me, but I couldn't be angry with either of them. I was disappointed, but not mad. I had no idea where that left me though, what was I supposed to do? Forgive them and move on as if nothing had happened, because there was no time left or should I confront them and risk another fight?

For somebody that could see the future I didn't know a thing about it, I thought. Under different circumstances I would never have considered it, but maybe another glance into the future was what I needed to find out what had changed...

Then again did it matter? 

The end would remain the same, somebody had to die. No matter what happened that would never change... Brian would drown on the 3rd July. My stomach dropped at the thought and I realised that Brian probably was right that I would choose him, always. It was unfair, but Mary, she had still so much time left... We could always make up later, but there was no later with Brian. There only was a now. 

I had no other choice, but to forgive him.

Everything else would have been a waste of time in the end. I wouldn't leave him nor break up with him, so sooner or later I would have to forgive him anyway, which meant I could just as well forgive him immediately. No matter how wrong it felt... Maybe I could understand why he had done it, but that didn't mean I approved of it. Brian had taken away my best friend and a chance to finally meet my father... He had been manipulating me and ordering me around since we met, but this time he had gone too far, especially when I was for once doing everything he wanted... It hurt and I just felt sick.