Mello's First Love

Don't Leave Me

Near pov

I opened the door to find Mello on my doorstep. He grinned at me and held up a bottle of vodka.

"She actually left some alcohol behind. Can you believe it?"

"Um, ok. Did you want to come in or..."

I glanced past him but the street was empty. He seemed in a good mood but I was still scared to be alone with him. In fact seeing him happy right now scared me more than if he was screaming at me.

"Yes, let's drink together. She'd have liked that."

He barged in past me. Why was I never strong enough to stand up to him?

"Have you any coke?" He asked from the couch, where'd already settled himself down.

"I don't do drugs." I told him.

"I meant coca cola! Oh my Lord Near!" He found this hilarious, literally rolling on the couch with laughter.

I went to the kitchen to get him some coca cola, I tried calling Matt too but got no answer.

"Here you go." I put the bottle on the coffee table.

"Cheers Near! Mr Reliable. Always comes first, is always there for my wife, wait, WAS always there for my wife."

He literally cackled with laughter.

"Mello, maybe you should go home." I suggested timidly.

"Why? Even you don't want me around?" He gave me a sharp look.

"It's not that. But I think you're upset."

"Upset? Me? Never! Look at me, I'm on top of the world! Why would I be upset, my wife is just dead."

He poured out a large vodka and coke and took a long drink. Then he stared into his drink for a moment before bursting into tears.

"Mello...I'm sorry." I said quietly.

He wiped his tears away.

"No it's fine. Near, come sit beside me. Come on, I won't bite."

"Maybe I should try calling Matt again..."

"No, this is our party. Come on, sit. Have a drink too."

I sat beside him as he poured a drink for me. I took it and he clinked our glasses together.

"Near and Mello, Mihael and Nate. Best mates, right?"

He took another sip then turned to face me, serious now.

"Near? Why did she do it?"

"Mello, I don't know exactly. Maybe it's my fault for leaving her here that morning."

"No. She wouldn't have even been here if it wasn't for me. If she'd married you instead of me, she'd still be alive."

He broke down sobbing and I let him cry while I thought of what to say. I was grieving too, but he was her husband, I had to comfort him, even if it meant telling him her secrets. She wasn't here now anyway, and maybe if she'd told him before, things would have been different.

"Mello. It's not that simple. She had an illness. And it just happened that the Kira case came back at the same time as her relapse. The two things happened to clash. I told her she should tell you, but she was afraid you'd leave her if you knew."

"Right. So instead she left ME, for good."

"She said that was how it worked in her mind. That she was bad and it was easier to leave someone first. But I never thought she'd go this far. Maybe I should have realised. I should have."

"Well, I guess you couldn't have." He muttered.

"No. I knew she'd tried it before but it had been so long and she said she was past that. But I guess you can never know a mind works."

"I knew she'd self harmed before. She told me when we first met, plus I'd seen her old scars. But there were never any new ones so I thought she was ok. I mean I saw her naked all the time, I'd have noticed."

"I...uh..."

"Your face Near, oh my god."

"Mello. I'd never usually dare say this, but please shut up."

"Ok ok."

"I remember her saying she still wanted to, but she was too tired to even bother. And that it wouldn't help anyway."

"But throwing herself off a roof was helpful? For fuck's sake Y/N."

He laughed which turned back into tears.

"She left me. She really left me."

"She loved you. You know that. Maybe she thought you were better off without her. The thing is Mello, we'll never know, and speculating won't bring us any closer to knowing."

"But I need answers!" He yelled at me.

"The only answer I give you is that she loved you. You made her truly happy for the first time in her life. And that's what you should hold onto now. We can't change what happened. It's too late. We can only remember her now. Ok?"

"Ok..."