Mello's First Love

I Wish

Mello pov

I was back in Japan with all of the "gang."

Ha, just joking. I was here with the others to work on the return of the Kira case.

We all knew damn well that Light Yagami was Kira, L knew it best since he was the one who'd suspected him in the first place. But L was blocking the whole investigation now. He'd fallen in love with Light and was doing everything to protect him. Not openly of course, but we all knew. We being Matt, Near and myself.

It was so fucking annoying. We were up against Kira AND L now. L who was leading the whole investigation. I swear I could just punch them both. I'd always looked up to L, what the hell was he doing? You don't fall in love with your suspect, that's suicide.

Oh...

Yeah, I guess you can't help who you fall in love with. But he was hindering the investigaton with this crap and it pissed me off.

You can't help who you fall in love with....I never thought I'd love anyone. Sometimes I wish I'd never met her, if she was going to leave me anyway. But then I wouldn't have the memories.

Fuck, I don't want to think about this right now, I was trying to work and I couldn't see through my tears.

I didn't want my story to go on without her, but I'd no choice. I couldn't bring her back and I needed to solve this case, so I couldn't do what she did.

I hated Near more than ever because he's the one she turned to.

I wish I could forget everything. It all hurts so much, and she's not here to help me through it and I wish I could kiss her right now, just hold her and never let her go.

I hate this, I hate it. I shouldn't have let her leave that night. I had said I'd keep her there by force if I had to, of course I wouldn't do that but I should have. I should have known somehow.

I knew I'd get nowhere with this "should have" line of thinking, but it was really haunting me.