Mello's First Love

Chapter 69

Mello pov

After Matt left, believing in my false nod, I told the shinigami to leave too, as I realised I didn't need her to write my name in some dumb book. I didn't need to try prove that Light is Kira either, let Near have his usual win or let Kira keep killing, I don't fucking care anymore. Even if I solved the case, what then? Just more shit to happen.

Matt kept telling me that if I died he'd hurt as much as I did when Y/N died. I know he means well but I'm tired of being guilted. I'm going to die anyway, we all are. I'm sorry if it makes him feel bad, but what about how I feel? I've been on this stupid goddamn earth for long enough, and I'm tired of everything hurting so much.

If there's one thing I've always said, it's that I'll live MY way. And we only live to die, so I'll die my way too. If some god put me on this earth when I never wanted it and no one else wanted me either, then I'll be damned if I'll let that god decide when and how I leave too.

After a lifetime of never being good enough, I thought I'd finally found someone I was good enough for. I let my guard down and loved her back, with all my heart, and she still left me. She had to die just to fucking get away from me.

So I got out of bed and looked under my bed for the hiding spot. Matt believed me that I'd disposed of it after her death, when I slipped into depression, but I knew I may need it one day, and better to be prepared, right? Better safe than sorry? Ha ha ha.

I smiled as I felt the familar shape in my hand. I missed you old friend. I held the gun to my head and pulled the trigger.

Goodbye...