chapter playlist:
haunt u- lil peep
star shopping- lil peep
the way i see things- lil peep
hate my life- lil peep
driveway- lil peep
a plan to kill myself- lil peep
gus pov
I woke up by a loud knock on the door. who the fuck is that and why are they knocking so damn loud?
"Red would you get that?" I asked not even opening my eyes. after a few seconds, I popped my head up why she didn't even answer me to see she wasn't even there. where the fuck is she? maybe she was the one knocking but that thought faded away when jahseh yelled from the other side of the door.
"GUS I GOTTA USE YOUR BATHROOM!" he yelled. I rolled off the bed rubbing my eyes before sluggishly walking over to the door. before I opened up the door barely an inch jahseh was in my room running towards my bathroom door.
"I gotta shit!" he yelled closing the bathroom door. I wasn't about to ask why he couldn't use his because I was honestly scared of the answer I might get. I went down to the kitchen to see if I could find Reddish blu but all I found was her phone and a half eaten bag of cool ranch Doritos. what the hell? I figured I might as well ask around and see if they knew where she could have been.
after getting an 'I don't know' from Diego, Cammi, Tracy and I was starting to get worried since she didn't even have her phone but really, how far could she have gone? The last person I had to check with before having a full out anxiety attack was Bexey and I was really hesitant about checking with him since he was sensitive to any talk of a woman because that area of his heart was still an open gunshot wound and I didn't want to be the one to shove the bullet deeper but Reddish blu could be in trouble or worse but I cant think of that right now. I walked down towards Bexey's room trying to push all the horrible thoughts out of my head. once I got to the door I didn't bother knocking since I was so anxious to see where she could be.
"Bex have you seen-" Bexey's head was in her arm's his arm over her stomach as she laid on the blanket.
"WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON!" he jolted awake from Reddish Blu's arm waking her too.
"Gus, calm down it's not what it looks like" Reddish Blu sat up completely calm. ItS nOt WhAt iT LoOkS liKE mY aSS.
"mhm, then what is it? because it looks like your laid up with my best fucking friend!" I yelled.
"Gus, please she was trying to help me sleep by filling in the place of shay." he pleaded.
"whatever! fuck Y'all!" I yelled slamming the door shut walking out to back my bag and get the fuck out of this house away from this pain and to believe I was worried about hurting his feelings just by bringing her up when he was laid up with her. fuck her she did this once and I let her do this to me again. I will never trust anyone again... I was shaken out of my thoughts by Reddish blu running after me.
"Gus why are you acting like a fucking asshole I was trying to help him fall asleep he hadn't slept in 2 days. I laid on top of the covers out of respect for you. all I did was rub his-"
"dick." I said cutting her off.
"are you fucking kidding me, Gustav! I was trying to help, not fuck him. I LOVE YOU GUSTAV! ONLY YOU!" she said as we reached our bedroom. I took a black bookbag out of the closet and started stuffing it with random close.
"Mhm sure. whatever baby girl." I was furious with her.
"where do you think you're going?" she said standing in front of the door as she looked up at me as I towered a good 8 inches over her.
"where ever I want to." I said not wanting to break down into tears in front of her and hold my MaNliNeSS (manliness, if you cant, read it)
"Gus, please no. don't leave me. I cant lose you." she started to cry.
"Oh, I love you, my dear. But I'm goin', I'm gone. I might come back when the Benz all black. Ten racks on my lap. if I don't relapse and I stay strong. I could do anything I want to. Bump Lil Peep, when I die, I'ma haunt you. I could live forever if I want to. I could stop time, but I never wanna do that again. Nothin' worse than losin' a friend. And the feelin' you get when everybody that you love ain't around. I'm just waitin' for a wave and I'll drown. I just wanna help you see, you should run away from me. Baby, I'm a drug and I don't wanna hurt you. No, I'm not gonna hurt you girl, not at all. I ain't gonna set you free. All you gonna get from me. Little bit a love and a little virtue. If I hurt you, I'll end it all." I sang letting the tear fall before I pushed past her.
"Gus!" she called multiple times before I got in my car and she stopped knowing she wouldn't be able to stop me from leaving now. as I started backing away leaving her standing there crying. she cried harder the farther I backed away. our hearts breaking as we got further away.
"if I hurt you, I'll end it all." I said as she dropped to her knees in her baggy 'xanarchy' sweatshirt from Diego's clothing brand. soon she was out of sight.
***
I went to this overlook that overlooked all of Los angels as I cried sitting on the hard rocky ground draining my sorrows away with a bottle of Henny. I looked over the cliff wondering what it would be like if I jumped over it. why not find out? I dialed reddish blu's number waiting for her to answer.
"Hello?" she answered softly. It reminded me of the first time I ever heard her voice.
"I love you,"I said dropping over the side.
