u said. •LIL PEEP•

yung bruh

gus pov

i rushed through people in the LAX airport trying to get to our car. tracy gave me a really scary ass call last night and now he won't pick up his phone. i had no choice but to fly back to LA. i didn't cancel the tour yet. but i did reschedule the next two shows till the end of tour.

finally, i was at the car i jumped in as the driver took off towards the house. it seemed to go by so slow. it felt like hours went by before we pulled up to the house. i thanked the driver before running my sorry ass inside.

"tracy?!" i screamed opening the door. loud music blared through the sound system. nobody was with me but i felt the presence of someone. i turned to see tracy. he looked high on every type of drug there was.

"what the fuck are you doing man?" i said rushing over to him taking his glass of white wine from him. i sat him down on the bar stool. i stared at him deeply. trying to read him to see what he could be on. i took out a blunt and lit it.

"want a hit?" i asked him as he nodded slowly. "tell me one thing your on." i knew he wouldn't tell me but when he's high he wants more. we used to get dangerously high and we still do sometimes but never alone. shit, he is dangerously high.

"double cuupp." he said acting as if he was drinking something out of a bottle.

"okayyy." i took a hit passing it to him. he took a hit but before he could take another i snatched that shit and took a hit.

"what else?" i took another long hit making him want it more.

"weed." i chuckled. "try again trace." he rolled his eyes. "roxy and perc." i nodded giving him the blunt. he took two hits and gave it back giving me a hit. by this time he knew the drill.

"mushrooms and blow." i once again laughed at him as this was our old combination when we were 15.

"anything else." i took my drag at the fading blunt.

"xanax." the word gave me a slight ping to my chest. i've had to many mishaps with xans and pain pills in general but xans always seem to be the biggest factor. i slowly nodded.

"your coming back on tour with me." he looked to me with watery eyes. "i can't gus." he frowned.

"w-wh-what why?" i stuttered. he's my best friend and he won't come on tour with me? i mean i have become close with diego and jahseh but since we've all been on tour i haven't seen or spoke to them. i've seen their instagrams and they seem to be having good times. but tracy, we connected on different levels. we are brothers by heart. but it's not like i couldn't say the same about the others.

"i said i would go with jahseh. he's flying me out to miami tomorrow." my heart felt like it dropped out of my stomach.

"okay, i'm going to go." i scratched my neck. i walked out of the house not saying anything to tracy. i pulled out in my benz that i have been away from for way to long to go somewhere. somewhere to be alone. even though my suicidal days are over. i still thought about it. taking my own life. but i wouldn't. to much sadness for the other people around me. so i'll suffer to save them. save her. save my fans.

i'll suffer.

babies!
miss u!
sooo...

i did that.

my head looks like an egg and i took a really bad pic there.

i'm cute.