Reddish blu pov
I felt dizzy. everything was so slow I sat down on the cold white tile. I wanted to scream but nothing came out. It felt as if this last year was fake. My anxiety started to rise as Gus stood in tears. Emma stood in the door she locked her eyes on me. Everything felt so... numb. I was numb. I looked around blankly to Gus then to Diego back to Emma then around to Liza. Cammi had just walked into the room.
"What the fuck is wrong with her? Why is she crouched in the middle of our kitchen!?" She keeled down to me but her words seemed muffled.
"I admitted I had feelings for Emma." Gus sobbed as he dropped to his knees crushing his 'miss' and 'you' tattoos.
"Gus, what the actual fuck! You married her less than a month ago and your falling for another girl! She crushed! Y-you asshole!" She yelled crying for me.
"I'm s-sorryyy." He weeped dragging out the y. He put his hands through his midnight black hair falling to his side curling himself into a ball.
"Honey, baby, are you okay?" Cammi pushed my messy baby hairs behind my ear.
"No." I spoke softly.
"Baby, it's going to be okay. He loves you. I know your connection is strong." Cammi brought me in for a hug. I had always felt this radiant energy when it came to Gus. This special feeling. He had a special energy. Something so bright and beautiful it reflected onto you then back to him. He felt like no one else did. He knew pain but he knew happiness too. you could feel this energy change. It changed to a dark, dreary way. One I had only felt twice before. This tone of energy was what I called the suicidal emotion. I knew that it wasn't good at all. But in this moment I was in my 'suicidal emotion' too. I couldn't let myself reconnect with him like I let myself do so easily for the last 2 times. I wanted to, trust me I really did. I wanted to crawl over to him and cry until we fell asleep and acted like nothing happened that's what we always did. Hinting to our 'bipolar relationship'. But I couldn't do it. We wouldn't connect in the same way if he loved another person. That's if we could ever connect again.
"Red?" I slowly brought my head up to Liza who was calling my name I answered with a "Yes".
"I know when Gustav loves someone and I know he loves you! Yes, he used to love Emma. Yes, he will always know he used to love her but now he loves you. He thinks he loves her because of all the love he has just received from you. He doesn't know what to do with it. So he tried making himself believe that maybe he is loving her too." She comforted me.
"Maybe." I whispered. "I'm going to go take a shower." I tried standing up on my wobbly legs. I was weak it took me a minute. But I finally i was able to stand with the help of Cammi. She brought me to my room and helped me turn on a blazing hot shower. Enough to make you feel pain but not enough to burn you severely. I let the hell water scold my skin as I climbed in. I looked out the current to check if Cammi left. She was gone. I grabbed my towel leaving the shower running. I open up the medicine cabinet and grabbed the orange tinted pill bottle from the top shelf taking it back into the shower with me. I opened the cap and spilled the pills out onto the ground and in my hand fell a handful of pills and my razor blade. I popped the pills into my mouth and slid the blade across my wrist. I felt pain. I also felt Gus's energy. He opened the curtains. He gave me a good look. His eyes yet again stained red from tears. He looked at my wrist before taking the bloody blade from me sliding across his own. You could see previous experiences from the lines of pure skin that shone through the colorful inked skin. He took my wrist into his hand looked up to me then back down at my wrist. He picked up his wrist looked at it for a second then put his blood against mine. He held them there for a few minutes. Bonding our blood together.
"If I loved her I wouldn't bond myself, my love with you." He removed his wrist quickly covering up our wrist to make sure we were bonded.
"Then why did you tell me you loved her." I turned the water off as I noticed my skin was starting to turn red.
"I did love her. I don't anymore. I love you." He tried to lean in and kiss me but I stopped him.
"Maybe we should take a break." I grabbed my towel rapping it around my body.
"We can't break up reddi! I love you I promise. I'm sorry! Please I really am!" He pleaded.
"A break Gus. We are still together just not. Together." i tried to smile.
"reddi. Please."
"Gus. It's final."
