Roadtrip Oneshots

Brandy, Anxiety

Brooklyn

You would of thought that I'd be used it by now, my boyfriend's anxiety, but the truth is... I'm still as clueless, as scared, as I was the first time I ever experienced it.

It made itself present at the most random of times, and when it did present itself, it did so with a ferocity that made me panic, but only once I'd caught on. See, the symptoms didn't show up all at once, like they would normally, instead constantly appearing and disappearing, like a bottle that was half submerged in the ocean. I never clocked on until the last possible moment, something that I hated myself for. I didn't pay close enough attention to my boyfriend, and every time Andy would tell me to stop blaming myself. I couldn't help but ignore him, afterall, I was the closest to him, beside the boys, so I should pick up on these things.

This is what happened the first time.

***

I awoke for the fourth time that night to my boyfriend shifting beside me.

"Babe?" I murmured sleepily, burrowing my head further into the crook of his neck.

"Shit... sorry Brooky... I didn't mean to wake you." I heard him softly speak in reply, pressing a kiss to my head and pulling my closer.

"Why aren't you asleep yet?" I questioned, my hand finding his in the dark, latching on tightly.
He didn't answer immediately, only sighing heavily, which made me frown.

"Andy?" I lifted my head, but he made a fuss.

"No, no go back to sleep Brooklyn... I'll sleep somewhere else tonight so I don't keep waking you up." He said quietly, beginning to sit up. I clung onto him with all four limbs, burrying my head in his chest.

"Stay... don't go Andy, I don't mind-"

"-I do! It's not fair on you Brook... I'm sorry." His voice cracked then, and my heart pounded.

I felt Andy detangle my limbs from his body and sit up properly, breathing heavily. Rubbing my eyes I joined him, reaching for his hand.

He moved it away as I got close, and I swallowed a lump in my throat. What the hell was going on?
"Andy?" I said quietly. I didn't know what to do. I wanted to comfort him, but he'd made it clear that he didn't want me touching him.

"Leave it Brook... please." He whispered, and I felt my eyes water as he stood abruptly, brushing me off  like I was nothing. He wasn't usually like this... he usually lets me in.

"What's happened? Tell me what's bothering you Andy. I'm not an idiot... I know you... and I know when something's bothering you." I spoke up, standing to block his path. I looked deep into his eyes, internally recoiling at the inner turmoil I saw in them. Even in the dark they were shining, but I couldn't tell if it was from the reflection of the moon, or if he was crying.

"Brook... please... just let this go." He practically begged me. I almost gave in then, watching his while face screw up as he sniffed. He was trying not to cry.
I didn't give in.

"I can't, alright? Look... just let me help you-"

"-You can't babe..." He trailed off, wrapping his arms around his middle.  The lost expression on his face tore my heart to pieces. And then his shoulders began to shake, silent sobs wracking his frame. Cold shivers ran up my spine, tracing swiftly over my arms.

I made to step closer to my boyfriend, to pull him into my arms and hold him, but he stepped away, dancing around me to get to the door. My arms dropped uselessly to my side, shaking with fear and unease, and rejection, and the coldness that seemed to fill the room.