Roadtrip Oneshots

Sock, Arms

Jack

Despite my mood since my boyfriend split up with me, I'm still excited for the new trialist. A new face. A new voice. Something different.

It's my fault, why he left. I hurt him a lot, I think, no matter what the boys say.

'It wasn't your fault Jack... I can assure you that.'

'He was in the wrong, not you.'

'It's his fault that he couldn't handle it. He gave up.'

I don't believe them though. After all, I must have done something wrong for my boyfriend to break up with me as he did, at three in the morning, over the phone, having woken me up to do so.

I believe that if I stay alone, I can't hurt anyone again. If I don't let anyone in, they'll be safe from me. I don't want to hurt anyone else. It hurts knowing that I hurt someone enough for them to hate me as my ex.

But Sonny's due to arrive any minute, and I'm sat in the corner, hood pulled up around myself, miserable, but excited.

I split with my boyfriend five months ago, and the feeling of helplessness has stayed with me ever since. The feeling of constantly doing something wrong, and constantly checking to make sure I was doing everything right.

To say Andy's worried is an understatement. All the boys are; but Andy's the oldest, and I think he's taken the role of the adult amongst us.

'Jack?' I hear.

I lift my head suddenly, and see Andy watching me. The kitchen's empty.

'Sonny's here. Everyone's gone outside,' he says softly. His blue eyes are worried, but there's a smile on his lips.

'Okay,' I sat, and get up. I hesitate to do it at first, but before I head outside I pull my hood down; something I haven't done in a while, even around the boys.

It's cold outside, despite being mid may, and I wrap my arms around myself. To keep myself warm, and to keep myself together; an attempt to anyway.

Brooklyn and Rye are already chatting and talking to him, but I can only see the back of his head. It strikes me then, how we're about to have someone new in the house. Someone I don't really know. It makes me stop, pause midstride, but Andy's eyes on me force me to carry on.

When Sonny turns, I struggle to maintain my composure.

He's... really good looking, and I duck my eyes. I feel uncomfortable and vulnerable all of a sudden; probably because I haven't left the house - unless it was to shoot covers - since my boyfriend left. I haven't really let myself meet anyone else.

'Hey! Jack, isn't it? Nice to properly meet you and all that,' Sonny smiles widely, and pulls me in for a hug when I get close enough. My arms are still trapped around myself, and I slip them around him as much as I can bring myself too.

My heart is pounding, and I have no idea why. Maybe because I haven't let anyone get this close to me in months?

But something inside me shifts, and it's like I can finally relax. It's like I can release the breath I didn't realise I was holding. It's like I can breath. And most importantly, it's like I can actually feel myself grow lighter and at ease.

All with one hug.

But he pulls away all too soon and I'm left standing there like an idiot. I know everyone's looking at me, perhaps oddly, but I pay no mind. I feel strangely numb. Strangely away from myself.

I can hear them all talking, and I even hear the car drive away, to which I weakly wave goodbye to Sonny's family. I hear everything, but I can't make sense of it. I can't make sense of anything.