Roadtrip Oneshots

Rykey, Lost Without You

Based off the song by Freya Ridings :)

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Rye

I almost can't bring myself to release my boyfriend from my arms.

My face is buried in his shoulder, arms tight around him. We're both shaking, both upset and hurting, but we both know we have to release each other.

I find the strength to pull away first, and hold Mikey at arms length, staring into his bright blue eyes.

'I'm gonna miss you Rye,' Mikey manages to say, and his mouth twitches.

I smile and laugh, not wanting him to see me cry. I don't want to make his departure any harder than it already is.

He said his goodbye's the boys earlier today, wanting to spend his last day here with me. So we had a brilliant day. Reliving past dates. Creating new ones. Out for meals. Shopping. Walks.

And now we're here.

'I'm gonna miss you too Mike,' I say.

Mikey turns his head when his train arrives, and I squeeze my eyes when he does so. I'm not ready to let him go; but I know if I don't let him go now I'll never be able to.

My eyes are open by the time he turns back, and my lips are already on his. Hard, but soft. Gentle but forceful. Conveying my love for the man in front of me right now.

We pull apart, and our foreheads seemingly meld together.

'This is me, Rye,' he says, out of breath, and I breathe deeply.

I stare far into his eyes, searching those blue depths with my own brown ones. Despite the sadness in his eyes, I can see the revival of a lost spirit; the spirit he lost along the way. I can see it returning to him, and I know he's made the right decision.

'Go,' I choke out. Cup his cheek once more, kiss his lips delicately.

He kisses back, and then he's walking away with his luggage, and stepping closer and closer to the train.

'I love you!' I shout as loud as I can, breathless, and walk a few steps forward. I fight the urge to run to him and pull him back.

For a while I think my words get lost in the wind, the sound ripped from my body, but he turns back with the biggest smile on his face as he climbs the steps.

'I love you too!'

I watch him file onto the train, and I imagine him taking a seat somewhere. Somewhere where we won't be able to see each other; a silent agreement. I don't want to watch him leave, and he doesn't want to watch me stand there, alone.

So I keep my eyes on the train, wrap my arms around my waist.

Although it's not the end for us, it's like no other pain I've ever felt. Knowing he's left the band for good. Knowing he couldn't take it any more; yet I understand completely. All the boys do, and we don't hold it against him. After all, how could we? He's putting himself first for once, and it's something we all admire him for.

But I'm not in control at the minute, and I'm glad Mikey chose to sit on the other side where we can't possibly see each other. I know he's there, and he knows I'm there. But that's the extent to our knowledge. It's better that way, otherwise we both know he's never going to leave, and I'm never going to let him.

And then the train is rolling away, and I'm running after it. I run and run, as fast as I can, and stop when the platform ends, out of breath. The train carries on though, and it doesn't stop.

Unlike the platform, the tracks don't end. The train carries on rolling, picking up speed, and it fades away into the distance, second by second.

I watch it as it does, watching Mikey leave, and I've never felt so lost without him.

We got together before we joined Roadtrip, and now we're still together after Mikey's left, but this will be the first time in nearly four years I've been apart from him for long periods of time.

My heart's crushed, or so it feels like, but I don't know why. Why am I wallowing when Mikey's taking control of his life? When he's doing what makes him happy?

I guess, not until this moment, I never realised how much I needed Mikey.

I'm still stood here, and everyone rushes back and forth around me. I assume to get home. To get to loved ones. And I'm stood here, eyes wide, when the train rounds a corner and I can no longer see it.

That's... that's it. Mikey's gone. He's really gone.

I think of my boyfriend, wondering how he's doing. If he's crying. If he's sad. Regretting his decision. Or if he's happy. Smiling, and content with his decision. I know he's excited for this, and has been for some time, although I know he's hated having to leave everyone after spending so much time together.

Especially me.

But he's not gone forever. He can visit whenever he wants. Stay for as long as he likes. Appear in vlogs. Whatever he wants. He's not gone from our lives... he's made friends and brothers for life, and a boyfriend and partner for life in me.

And then it hits me full speed, and I nearly keel over when my lungs fail me.

No more cuddles. No more kisses. No more late night chats. All nighters watching films on our laptops.

No more seeing each other every day.

With that dominant thought, I feel myself crumble. I cry silently on the platform, and I still haven't looked away from the last spot I saw the train.

Literally five minutes ago, his lips were on mine. He was in my arms, and my heart was breaking. Now it's shattered, and I don't know how to breathe anymore. I don't know how to stop the world from crashing down all around me.

Somehow, just somehow, a smile finally breaks its way across my face. A small one at first, big enough to keep the salty tears at bay, and then I start to laugh the wider it grows. I must look insane on that platform, staring out into the distance. Laughing. Wet cheeks and red, puffy eyes.

In that moment I realise how happy I am for Mikey. How proud of him I am. How proud of him we all are. It can't have been easy to make that decision, or even begin to consider it, but my boyfriend tackled it maturely, and I love him even more that I did before.

It was a hard decision, yet he made it anyway, and my heart sighs a little at the thought of his pretty little head. His bright blue eyes. That spirit lighting the fire again in his heart. Lighting that motivation he'd lacked for a while, something that had killed me to notice.

I slide my phone from my pocket and text him.

I love you. And I'm so so proud of you. I'll see you soon no doubt... let me know when you get home?

A reply from Mikey flashes across the screen.

Of course Rye. I love you more :)

I smile, and I cry again, but it's happy tears.

Impossible :)

:) <3

I chuckle at Mikey's response, and know instinctively that it's the end of the conversation for now. At that it's aright. We'll talk more later, when he's home. Once he's settled in back home.

There's a sharp pang in my heart when I realise that out home isn't home to Mikey any more, but it's okay.

I walk back to my car, the platform now empty, and take my steps slow and steady. Wiping my eyes, I'm still smiling. I'm still smiling when I pull out of the train station, on my way back to the boys.

Mikey's happy, moreso than he was before, and I'm content with that fact.

As long as Mikey's happy, I can live peacefully.

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"You said I wanna see the world, and I said go."

Love WolfGirl.❤️

Mikey... I'm so so proud of you 😘❤️