Roadtrip Oneshots

Brandy, Can I tell you something? (Part 2)

Brooklyn

I didn't know what to think. I really didn't. I mean, Andy was only one person, and there was no guarantees what the others would say if I told them.

I was in half a mind to stay silent now... Having Andy know was enough. Because it took the edge off, kind of, having at least one person know. It made me feel less alone in some ways.

And Andy was the best outcome I could've possibly asked for. I only told him because I knew how passionate my bandmate was about equality, and the rights of a human, so I figured there'd be a lower chance of Andy hating me because of it. Whereas, on the other hand I didn't know how the boys really felt, seeing as I'd never really heard them talk about the subject to a great extent.

It was difficult, because I wanted to be myself, but because I've hidden this part of me for so long, I don't really know who I am anymore. In a way I'm scared to be myself, simply because I don't know who myself is. No-one apart from Andy knows this side to me, and that's another reason why I was scared... I didn't want people to see me differently because of it.

But Andy's secure arms around me told me that he saw me as no different, he just understood me better than he had done before. And that was a nice feeling; I don't think anyone had ever understood me as well as Andy did right now. I breathed deeply, just staring at the ground as my thoughts went haywire.

I wasn't even out to my family yet... What the hell would they think? The boys too... I just didn't want anyone to hate me, or judge me for it. But I knew deep down everyone would.

Was it too much to ask to have the people I loved love me the same way? Unconditionally?
I couldn't help but feel that the second I said those words, everything would change, even if the boys said otherwise.

What would the Roadies think? Would they see me the same?
Will I be different in their eyes?
Will they still support the band? Won't they?

I smiled through tears as I thought of all the crazy shippers going mental, but that wasn't enough to properly convince me. Not every Roadie was a crazy shipper. I knew that we would inevitably lose fans, and that would ultimately drag the boys down, if I came out publicly.
Privately however...

I know that this isn't even a big deal, but I can't help but see it as a big thing. I'm not scared, but I am absolutely terrified. Just the thought of telling someone makes my heart beat faster. Makes my hands go clammy. Makes me not able to draw in breath properly. I always panic before I can get that first word out, and I guess it's that that holds me back so much. The constant fear and the paranoia. Hell, it took me weeks to even pluck up the courage to tell Andy.

If I came out to the boys, would it be such a bad thing?

"I think I'm ready to go home Fovvs." I whispered hoarsely, this being the first word I'd spoken in... Who knows. I'd kinda got lost in my own thoughts, and I was grateful that Andy had just let me sit and think.

"Are you sure? Because I don't mind staying out here with you."
Andy rubbed my back in a comforting manner.

"I'm sure."

I was so thankful for Andy right now... He honestly had no idea how much I appreciated him. And the fact that we had found this park in the middle of nowhere.

I was sure that I'd be returning here again soon. Maybe even Andy too.

We arrived back at the flat twenty minutes later, walking slow, Andy staying close beside me the whole time. Maybe he could sense that I just wanted comfort, that I didn't want to be completely by myself.