DRV3 headcanons, one-shots and other stuff [COMPLETED]

(O/S) Shuichi x Depressed! Fem! Reader

Requested by @shuichisan. Hope you enjoy! No killing game AU.
T/Ws: Depression, mention of self harm and general angst. Tried to keep it realistic, and I am not trying to romanticise any sort of mental illness.
Fic title: Playing Detective.

Y/N's POV

I never was a happy person.
I had good parents. I had good grades. My friends were nice. All was well. What seemed to be the problem?
I had depression. No, not just sadness, full on depression. I spent a lot of my time in my room contemplating if people were genuine. If they meant it when they said I was talented.
When I was accepted into Hope's Peak, I was very... angry. And teary. An unhealthy mixture of both.
I was yelling and crying at my family demanding to know how much they paid Hope's Peak to keep me in the delusion they'd built up that I was good enough. I was in the mindset that they would try to make me feel happy about myself just so I'd shut up.
So I did shut up.
I shut up in classes.
I shut up during free periods.
I spoke very little during lunch.
A few people asked if I was okay. If I wanted to hang around with them. I always declined and just used the excuse that I was tired or felt sick. They'd believe it, and I wouldn't have to worry about being a burden.
At the time I thought the aching pit in my stomach was a sense of envy. Now I know it was because I was lonely. So undeniably lonely.
I kept sitting alone.
I read alone.
I thought about things alone.
I despised myself alone.
Months and months of this flew by in an indecipherable blur. A boy talked to me during that time. I didn't remember his name.
Mid-March. Lunchtime. Courtyard. Eating alone and feeling as hollow as ever.
"Hey, Y/N. Mind if I take a seat?"
"Sure, go ahead." I replied, my mind in a droning autopilot. I didn't know this boy, or at least didn't remember knowing him.
"I heard you were, um, having an episode I think people call it? I tried to look up things on depression and I decided just to try and... I don't know, do something nice."
I nodded, barely registering his words. Something about research. Something about a nice gesture. I felt bad, being this guy's pet project, a thing to fix (or at least try to until he got bored).
His face morphed into a small, pitying frown. "I made you a cupcake. Sorry if it's bad, I... don't really bake."
Thanks, I thought about saying. For once I actually spoke up, "Thanks."
"Oh, it's no problem." He offered me a small, real smile. It felt nice. I wished I could have recognised it clearer.
"You're Shuichi, right?" I said, testing the waters for possible topics of conversation.
"Glad to know you remembered my name. We talked a few days ago."
Did we talk a few days ago? I couldn't remember.
"Cool." Was the best I could muster. However, Shuichi felt real. He felt like he was enjoying my presence. With that in mind, I tried to return the generous favour of being nice. "What did we talk about? My brain's trying to remember but it's just... not." I gave a small chuckle to myself, taking the f/f (favourite flavour) cupcake from his hand and biting into it. It tasted good. Not great, but pretty good. "Nice muffin." I added, much to his obvious delight.
"We talked about y/t. I was hoping that maybe you could teach me sometime?"
"We could, like, swap talents for the day."
He chuckled. "Yeah, Shuichi Saihara, the SHSL Y/T!" He threw in some overdramatic hand gestures for fun.
I chimed in with, "And Y/N L/N, the SHSL Detective!"
We both shared a laugh. It felt warm and soft in my throat, like melted chocolate. It felt real. I know that I probably sound like a broken record at this point, but when something is genuine it is ten times better, without fail.
"You're... you're cool, Shuichi." I told him, staring down at my empty cupcake wrapper.
"Right back at you. Maybe we could meet up after school?"
I'm going to be honest here. I usually self harmed as soon as I got home from school. It was addictive. Either that or I'd be in therapy. Or relaxing and listening to music. Or doing whatever solitary activity i felt like.
"I... I can't..." I told him regretfully.
"Oh... okay then. Maybe some other time." He adjusted his hat nervously. "Maybe coffee on the weekends or something?"
"Yeah, I'd... I'd like that."
"This is probably going to sound really weird but..." He sucked in a deep breath. "...Don't do anything stupid."
I gave him a look. "Is that something that can really be promised?"
"Listen, I know this sounds crazy but I actually really like you. I don't care if you don't feel up to dating. We can take things one step at a time. Hell, if you don't want to date me I just want to know that you're at least alive. Please, Y/N."
My foggy mind took a solid minute to process all that had been said.
"You... you really care about me that much?"
He was slightly pink in the face. "I do."
"I... I'm not ready for that yet, like you said, but..." I weighed my options. I needed someone to keep me on track. Shuichi was amazing.
But self harm.
But Shuichi.
"Shuichi, are you sure you know how, like... hard this might be?"
"I know. It's okay. I'd rather take some of the burden than let you carry it alone."
"Then... can you come over after school today? I was actually..." I trailed off, hot repressed tears burning the backs of my eyes.
"Sure, Y/N." He gave me a hug. "Sure."

Word count - 1003.

Hope you enjoyed. Please get help if you're depressed, or talk to someone you know and trust 🖤