flower; ch

"nothing has ever felt more right."

and if you were my little girl,
i'd do whatever i could do
i'd run away and hide with you
{daddy issues, the neighborhood}

indigo

growing up, my family life felt truly perfect. i had so many issues personally and mentally, but one thing that always kept me going, was how much i adored and cherished my family. that's something quite rare these days, many of my friends growing up came from single parent or mixed households, but i was one of the lucky ones.

or so i thought.

it's funny how people can live their life inside a perfect bubble, not even realizing that nothing is ever truly perfect. because one day, that bubble just has to be popped.

and i suppose that is why i'm here, sitting on a hotel bed with my phone clutched tightly in my hand, as i stare at the wall, trying to comprehend the information i was just given.

my perfect childhood, was not so perfect after all.

my dad called me about thirty minutes ago. as soon as i picked up the phone, i absolutely knew something was wrong. i had only seen my dad cry once, at his mothers funeral. so, you can imagine my surprise to hear him crying and sniffing through the line as he spoke.

"dad, is everything okay? is someone hurt," i asked, worried someone had died. funny how the truth was almost more shocking

"i-indigo, i don't know how to say this sweetie.." at this point i didn't know what was going on, i've never heard him so upset. "i have a gambling addiction, and it's gotten out of hand."

i was shocked, but to an extent. he always loved his poker tournaments and his fantasy football or whatever. i knew that gambling addictions were as serious as any, but i didn't see how this was enough to cause him to be blathering like a baby. i mean, we were doing alright financially as far as i knew, and it wasn't something we couldn't work through.

"okay..." i started, "we can work through that dad. the first step is admitting it, we can get you help and move on from here." i said, trying to comfort him

"n-no indy, it's not that simple." i still didn't quite understand. "as you know, i'm the CFO of the company, and i am solely in charge of the finances. as the years have gone on and i've gambled more of our money away, i've been supplementing it with money from the company, money that wasn't mine to take."

after this confession, i didn't know what to say. surely it couldn't have been too much money? i mean, someone would've had to notice. as i asked him to elaborate, he broke down, handing the phone to my mother. she went on to try to explain it to me.

my mother is a strong woman. she doesn't let people walk over her, however, she trusted my dad wholeheartedly. we all did. the more i spoke with her, the more i realized how serious the situation actually was.

my dad wasn't simply borrowing a couple hundred dollars from the company. he had stolen millions of dollars over the past 10 years, trying to give us a life that he thought was what everyone wanted. he had lied to us for most of my life, watching us spend money that was dirty, stolen.

the company owners wanted all the money back. we are loosing our house, they took the insurance money, everything. they want my dad in prison. my mom can't be connected to it, she has to find her own lawyer and separate from my dad.

she's loosing everything, and has nothing. my father and her husband isn't the man we thought he was. he was always my best friend, the man i admired and respected above all others. and it was always my understanding that you do not lie to those you love, much less for most of their lives.