flower; ch

"what if there's something wrong with me?" (bonus)

calum

the last couple months have been some of the hardest in a while. when you're married to someone, the two of you are a team, almost as if you both work as one. indigo and i work perfectly together, as if we're two halves of one whole, as cheesy as it sounds, but that doesn't mean it's easy.

we both know why it's been tense and the air has felt heavy lately. we've been trying to get pregnant for six months, and have yet to be successful. seeing indigo get as frustrated as she has been automatically brings me down, and neither of us really know what to do about it.

we both know it's neither of our faults, but it's almost as if we both feel guilty, like we are disappointing each other. i've thought about asking her if she wants us to go talk to a doctor, but i'm afraid it will seem like i'm trying to say something is wrong with her.

leisurely, i walk into our bedroom to find indigo working on a short film from her previous trip, and has her laptop open on the bed with her earbuds in her ears. i just finished working on some stuff downstairs and study her for a moment when i first walk into the room. she's so invested in her work, focused and determined to make it the best she can.

her hair is pulled up on top of her hair lazily with a few strands falling around her face. the bags under her eyes show how little sleep she's been getting, something i've noticed when she seems to fidget throughout the night.

i feel a pain in my chest as i watch her, knowing the frown on her face goes deeper than basic concentration, as it's one she's fought hard to fight lately. i wish i could just kiss her until she feels better, yet that's not how these things work. climbing beside her on the bed, she looks over at me, taking out her earbuds and setting her laptop on the table by the bed.

"hey, you done for the day?" she murmurs, smiling softly up at me, though it doesn't meet her eyes. i dip down, pressing my lips to hers in a gentle kiss.

"mhm," i whisper against her lips, placing one more kiss before pulling back and scooting next to her under the covers. she sighs lowly, her body curling against me as i wrap an arm around her.

"you okay?" i question seriously, hoping this time she'll give me a truthful answer. i'm so used to her forced smiles and tired answer of "fine." my eyebrows raise when i hear her sniffle, leaning away from her so i can see her face, only to see it wet with tears.

"baby, talk to me," i coo, lifting a hand to cup her jaw. "please," my tone is almost begging, tired of her putting up a strong front.

"i—i think we need to go see a fertility doctor," she whispers, her voice cracking as she does so. my heart clenches at the broken tone, yet i can't help but be relieved that she's open to getting help.

"okay, of course we can do that," i assure her, letting a thumb run over her cheekbone. she closes her eyes, leaning into my palm as she cries softly.

"it's going to be okay, no matter what happens. you know that, right?" i remind her. she opens her eyes, emerald irises glossy with tears. she bites her lip, averting her gaze as she looks down at her stomach.

"what if there's something wrong with me?" she asks, almost as if she's asking herself. i lift her chin, lifting my fingers to wipe the wetness from her cheeks.

"it could be either of us, or it could be neither," i reason. she nods lightly. i pull her closer, pressing a kiss to her temple and letting it linger a few moments.

"i love you so much, flower," i say, making the corner of her lips turn up in a soft and real smile.

"i love you too, calum," she reiterates, lifting her hand to take mine from her face. she leans forwards, surprising me by capturing my kiss in a slow kiss. my stomach ignites as it always does when she kisses me, and i let out a breath at the feeling. she smiles against my lips, making me mimic her actions.

"i was afraid i'd freak you out," she admits nervously, looking away with a slightly dejected gaze. i frown, not liking this assumption.

"there's nothing wrong with finding out as much as we can, i would never blame you... you know that right? i ask her seriously. she looks down at her lap, biting her lip as her cheeks tint a dark red.

"i know you love me, i just— i know you really want a baby," she says sheepishly. i frown at her logic, placing my thumb below her jaw so she meets my eyes.

"when i say i love you, that means i love you despite anything else that happens, yeah?" her eyes water slightly before she blinks the liquid away and nods softly against my grip.

"it's harder for some people to get pregnant than others, but don't assume the worst, love." my words are soft, and indigo surprises me by leaning forward and wrapping her arms around my neck. her face nuzzles against my shoulder and i don't hesitate to pull her against me.

she pulls back slightly, her wet cheeks and pale eyes reflecting the soft light from the bedside lamp. indigo's lips curl in a small smile as she shakes her head a bit, sighing deeply before speaking,

"thank you."

"for?"

"being you."

-

🥺🥺 i'm in a terrible mood pls say funny things 🥺

kayl x