flower; ch

"i wouldn't want to be with anyone else."

if i need to rearrange my particles
I will for you
{particles, nothing but thieves}

indigo

i can hardly stand still as i bring my hand to knock on what once was andrew and i's apartment. we arrived in la not too long ago and have the day off, so naturally i wanted to see my brother. my lips spread into a wide grin when i hear the lock of the door turning before it's swung open. i'm met with andrew, who is smiling just as wide as i am.

"what up, slut!" he screeches, leaping forward and crashing me into a hug. i squeeze my arms around him and hug him back, my heart bursting with happiness. i didn't realize how much i missed him until now. i peel myself off him, before he ushers me inside. i'm not surprised when i see another guy standing inside, as andrew already told me he got a new roommate.

"indie, this is david," he introduces us and i move my hand out to greet him, smiling politely as he does the same.

"i've heard loads about you, it's so nice to finally meet the famous indie," he says, making me blush embarrassedly. he's not too bad looking, no where as attractive as calum though. he's much shorter and has light brown hair, which falls over his head in a simple haircut. his eyes are brown, but not as pretty as calum's they're more empty and have a bit of a green tint to them. i shake my thoughts away, not meaning to compare every male i see to calum.

"you've been touring with 5 seconds of summer, right?" he asks, making me nod. "that's cool, my old boyfriend took me to one of their shows a while back and i actually enjoyed it." i smiled politely in response.

"they're terrific musicians," i respond.

"yeah..." he says awkwardly. "well uh- i'm headed out for the weekend, going to visit some family. i'll be back in a few days so hopefully i see you soon!" i nod back.

"well i need to go take my bags upstairs, i'll be right back down," i say quietly, picking up the bags at my feet. andrew snatches one of them before smiling at me slyly.

"i'll help you," he says quickly, making me raise a brow at his odd behavior. the fact that he offered to do unnecessary physical activity is very strange. once we make it upstairs, he rudely drops my bad on the floor. before i can open my mouth to get upset, since it could have been breakable, andrew speaks.

"so, you and calum?" he sputters our excitedly while wiggling his eyebrows. i roll my eyes, walking past him to grab the bag and set them beside the window.

"like i told you on the phone, yes," i sigh, still sad that andrew is really the only person i can tell.

"eeeek!" he says, making me cringe at the loud noise. "my sister is dating a superstar!" i scoff at his excitement, laughing lightly.

"no one can know, okay?" he nods quickly. "my job depends on no one knowing."

my heart constricts at my own words, and i find myself filling with an annoying feeling of doubt and anxiety. i feel as if i'm constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop, like something bad is going to happen. when i'm with calum he tends to distract me from it, but i can't help my pessimistic instincts.

the bubble will pop, we're going to be outed, i'm going to lose my job, and who knows what will happen between calum and i. i know it's all the worst that could happen, but i can't help but let my mind wander to those horrible conclusions.

i snap out of my thoughts when i hear my phone ding. calum's text tone goes off, and my thoughts disappear. andrew grabs it before i do, making me pout. once reading it, he pretends to throw up, before tossing it to me. i smile down at the screen when i see calum's message.