flower; ch

"husband and wife." (bonus)

"i've got sunshine on a cloudy day,
with my girl."
{my girl, the temptations}

indigo

"i can't do it mom," i say quickly with shallow breaths. "i-i can't do this without him here." she looks at me sadly, but with a small smile on her lips.

"he is here blue, he's always with you," i groan, not having time for her spiritual jesus shit because i am royally freaking the fuck out. she ignores my noise, instead moving to pin the flowers into my hair. i gaze over my dress in the mirror.

i feel beautiful, and like the luckiest woman in the world. my hair is in loose curls cascading down my back, my dress is simple and the small gold necklace falling over my collarbone is even more simple. yet something is so desperately missing.

growing up, my dad used to tell me about the day he and my mom met and later got married. it was my favorite thing to hear before bed. he'd tell me of how he first saw her and asked her on a date, how he asked him to marry her, and about the day itself.

he'd also sing me a song, my girl by the temptations, every night. it was his favorite song and soon became the song that represented him, me, and my sister. he said it would be the song we would dance to at my wedding for our daddy-daughter dance.

only he's not here, and that fact has been haunting me since i woke up this morning. he isn't in calum's dressing room, telling him to treat me right.

he won't be walking me down the isle humming along to the soft guitar melody while telling me how proud he is of me, and how great of a wife i will be.

he won't be the one to give me a hug and kiss my cheek before giving me away to calum. he won't be sitting in that front row, watching me with watery eyes and a smile that refuses to vanish. he won't be raising his arms and whooping obnoxiously once we're announced as man and wife, and as calum and i make our way down the isle. he won't be in the front of the crowd as calum and i dance our first dance.

and unlike he had told me since i was just a baby, he will not be there to waltz to our song together, congratulating me and telling me that calum is the one and how happy he is for me.

he's not here, and he won't be here ever again, so i guess that's why these tears are threatening to spill and i can't seem to catch my breath.

"blue, breathe. please," my mom begs, grasping my arm. it's not until i really feel like i can't fucking breathe that i rip out of her grip, running towards the door to the small camper. grace is right behind me, chasing me. i don't even care who sees me as i run to the building i know calum is in. once inside, i'm almost to his door while grace is calling my name behind me.

calum

holy fuck. as i stand in front of this mirror, picking at the ends of my sleeves and the way my suit is laying on my body, it hits me.

today's the day.

i can hear michael and luke making bets about "how long indigo and i will last at the reception before we sneak out," but i can't even process it. my eyes wander all over myself, scrutinizing every detail to make sure nothing is out of place.

in the months leading up to today, i had been so nervous. the planning and date changes and everything else that needed to be done stressed both indigo and i out immensely and we aren't even having a big wedding. we chose a small venue in lyons, colorado. it's a place indigo knew of, and as soon as i saw it i knew it was perfect for the two of us.