flower; ch

"i finished the book, flower."

even though my dizzy head is numb,
i swear my heart is never giving up
you're the reason, the only reason
{the only reason, 5 seconds of summer}

indigo

as i stand in front of my childhood home for the first time in the past six months. the house itself is the same, but also so different.

when everything with my dad came out, my mom immediately had to separate from him, as if she stayed with him it could be seen as she knew what was happening all along. he's millions of dollars in debt, so my mom can't even keep her home. we've lived here since a year before i was born. it needed a lot of work, and my mom has spent the past 19 years making it her dream home. and now she's loosing it.

i sigh as i past the "for sale" sign stuck in the front yard. there's only one car in the driveway, a sight that feels unfamiliar. growing up, there were always several of my brothers' friends parked in the drive, taking up space so they could hang out in the upstairs office or have their "band practice" in the garage.

the garage is also mostly empty. it was always a mess in here. my mom would thoroughly clean it twice a year, but it would always end up just as messy within a week after. i hear a few barks and look over to see my three dogs barking up at me from the screen door going out to the backyard. i smile, walking out to greet them. squatting down, i can't help but grin as they attack me with kisses. the youngest, lily, wastes no time in jumping straight onto my lap, peppering my face with kisses.

"indigo?" a voice sounds to my left, i glance up to see my mom staring at me, a shocked expression covering her features. in hindsight, i probably should have told her that i was coming home. tears prick at my eyes as i remember why i'm here in the first place, and i stand up quickly before running and wrapping my arms around her. she tentatively responds to the gesture, her hand rubbing my back instinctively.

"hey, shh, it's alright," she coos upon hearing my sniffles. i let myself cry, as i know she's used to this, as i was quite the sad kid growing up. "what's wrong blue?" i shake my head against her shoulder, feeling the hurt that i formerly felt seeping back in.

"c-can we go inside?" i ask softly, feeling her nod before stepping back from me. i follow her inside, as we walk to the kitchen. my eyes widen at the empty house around me, half of the furniture is gone, and boxes are everywhere.

"do you know where you're moving?" i ask, watching her as she pours me a cup of iced tea. she sets it down in front of me before sitting in the chair across from me.

"i was thinking about moving out to colorado, staying with your brother until i can find somewhere for myself. my oldest brother lives in colorado with a wife and baby, so i'm not surprised she wants to do this. i don't doubt she hates being completely alone.

"that sound like a good plan," i say lightly. i'm unable to be too unenthusiastic because i'm still bummed about everything going on. "how's dad?" i ask nervously, hearing her sigh.

"he's alright, i guess..." she starts. "it's hard for him hearing our marriage is over, you know? but he knows he brought it upon himself, and quite literally shattered my life. i just... even if there comes a day that we could be together, i can't ever trust him again," i put my hand out to grab hers, giving her a soft smile of understanding.

"why are men so stupid," i say frustratingly, before bringing my hands to my face and resting my elbows on the table. there's a small silence before my mom speaks again.

"is that why you're here, did something happen with you and calum," i mentally cringe as she speaks his name. i let out an audible sigh, dropping my hands to see her looking at me sadly.