flower; ch

* "i always will indigo, i always will."

READ!!! a/n
from now on, when i put a * in a chapter, it means there's going to be
s m u t 0.0
just gonna go ahead and warn you i've never written this kind of thing before, and it's also 1am. i cringed thru the whole thing but like, i just had to do it. if you feel uncomfortable with that sort of writing, skip the parts that start with a *. i'll put it in the chapter title and before it begins. otherwise, read thru at ur own risk. as weird as it sounds having feedback on how it turned out helps, if i feel like y'all hated it i won't write anymore smut because i'm insecure about it. if it's shit please let me know and i will go back to smutless writing lol
ok goodbye i hope u like this chapter<3

*
in the morning when i wake, and the sun is coming through.
oh, you fill my lungs with sweetness,
and you fill my head with you
{bloom, the paper kites}
calum

i never really liked sleeping in the same bed as someone. i always got claustrophobic and needed my space. i'm not sure what it was but the heat from another's body, their sticky skin, the pressure of them against my body... it was always just too much.

but when i'm in a bed with indigo, it's like i can't get close enough to her. it's as if i'm scared that if i don't hold on tight enough, she'll slip through my fingers. and i guess that could be a metaphor for how i feel in reality. it's hard to keep a stable relationship in my line of work, and i'm scared that as soon as she realizes the depth of it all, she'll slip away from me.

but she doesn't.

today i woke up with my arms wrapped around her, and her hands delicately clutching my arm that was draped over her, her face turned to face me as i felt her breath fan against my face. when i opened my eyes i was graced with her creamy skin, her faint freckles and slight acne scars littering the skin across her face. she has the smallest of scars on the bridge of her nose, it's even more prominent when she laughs, because she scrunches her nose up in the most adorable way. she has two more scars on her right cheek. they're faint, but they're there. one is up by her eye, almost in the shape of a tear drop. and the other is down farther on her cheek, almost to her jaw.

her eyelashes lay flush against her skin, resting against the small eye bags that are the result of her staying up late editing. her eyelids flutter every now and then, and i can't help but wonder what she's dreaming of. her lips are as plump and smooth as ever, her obsession with constantly applying chapstick clearly paying off. as i look at them, i can almost taste the wonderful vanilla flavor they always have.

the smell of her coconut shampoo radiates from her golden locks, a smell i now relate to as homey, and comforting. she buys the most expensive kind but is unwavering on the fact that it's the best. her long hair is tangled and and knotted, due to the fact that she fidgets and moves in her sleep constantly.

quite honestly, i only notice her movement when we're first falling asleep. usually i wake up due to a sharp jab in my stomach from her elbow, or a leg. i guess it could be annoying, but usually it occurs around the time i need to get up anyway. regardless, i don't mind getting more time to admire her before she wakes. i lift my hand to graze my index finger along her jaw, almost as if to coax her awake.

i hear a hum vibrate from the back of her throat. then, her legs stretch down against mine as her toes point, signally she's beginning to wake up. her eyes flutter open to meet mine, and i watch as the glazed look in them begins to fade as she adjusts to them being open. once she's coherent, her lips turn up in a faint smile as her green orbs gaze at me. i move my hand from her jaw to rest against her stomach, drawing patterns in the fabric of hers, well actually, my shirt.