flower; ch

"some random, hardly eighteen, photographer."

sweet little baby,
in a world full of pain
i gotta be honest,
i don't know if i could take it
{r.i.p. to my youth, the neighborhood}

calum

from 'elliot:'
i need you at modest at 9:00am.

my eyebrows furrow at the random text from elliot. why today, and why just me? indigo is at andrew's, i feel like she should spend time with him without my nagging, since i've sort of been hogging her for the past four months. we're leaving for london tomorrow, and will be there for the album release. we were originally planning to wait on the release, but moved it up for various reasons.

i'm filled with absolute excitement and slight anxiety. this has been building for so long, and we've put everything into this record. the thought of celebrating it with indigo also makes me beyond excited. i've been thinking about us a lot lately, and i think i may talk to her about telling management. i don't want to push her, and i don't want to do it if it will ruin her career, but i want to be with her publicly, and not be scared of getting outed.

my mind is filled with a range of thoughts as i get in the car, and begin driving to the modest building. i'm sure it's nothing serious, they probably need a signature or something from me. the drive isn't far, as my house it's relatively close to their building. i park behind the building, before walking into the authorized personnel entrance. when i walk up to the desk i give stacy, the receptionist, a polite smile.

"good morning calum," she says, not looking at me as she presses some button. i'm assuming she's paging elliot to alert him i'm here.

"you can head up there, he's expecting you," she says curtly. i nod, before walking through the glass door and up the stairs. arriving to elliot's office door, i walk in, to see him sitting behind the mahogany desk. he looks up at the sound of the door.

"calum, sit down," he says tightly, motioning to the empty seat in front of the desk. i draw my eyebrows together at his taught expression and forced words. my hands pick up moisture at the sudden anxiety i feel, seeing only a single manila folder resting on the unusually empty desk. i glance up at the sound of elliot sighing, a look of disappointment on his features.

"do you know why you're here?" he asks, making me grow even more confused. suddenly i'm taken back to my school days, when i spray painted the side of the school and got called to the principals office.

"no..?" i say questionably. still unsure of what's going on. my attention is brought to the file on his desk when he pushes it forward, and i dart my hands out to catch it before it falls off the edge of the desk. he motions for me to open it, and i do so curiously. the color is soon drained from my face at the images resting inside of it, suddenly feeling as if i may be sick.

there's only five photos in it. each from the same moment, a continuous thread of the subject. it's indigo and i, in her parking lot. they were taken when i was showing her the car, my hand is wrapped around hers in the first two, showing her looking up at me with a bright smile. in the third however, my head is dipped down and my lips are placed against hers. i remember the kiss, it was short and simple, she had looked so cute and excited and i couldn't resist. my face is covered by sunglasses, but i'm easily identifiable by my tattoos. the last two are similar to the first and second, and i close the file with a shaky hand.

"elliot, i..." i cant even form a sentence when i lift my eyes, hands gripping to folder tightly. i don't even have an opportunity to finish because elliot clearly is not finished.

"the fucking photographer, calum? out of all the girls out there you could've fucked, you chose some random, hardly eighteen, photographer. you've always been so smart, so quiet about your relationships. you chose smart women but you never let it go anywhere. you were loyal to the band and its image. do you know how it would look if these got out? these photos of you with a little girl?" my jaw clenches at his words. i've completely looked over the fact that my relationship has been discovered, but i'm focused on the words he's using to describe my indigo. he has the audacity to treat her as if she is nothing, and it makes me want to spit in his face.

"i didn't fuck her, elliot," is all i say, not wanting to push him to be more spiteful than he already is. my words only seem to amuse him however, because he responds with a laugh.

"oh right, and you expect me to believe you're in love with her, huh," my nostrils flare at his words, and i find myself diverting my gaze to the ground, trying to will myself to not stand up and walk out.

"how cute, it's too bad you have to end it," he says, his anger seeming to have bubbled over. my eyes snap up at his words, and i can't help the uneasy feeling that resides in my chest.

"what do you mean?" i scoff. "i don't have to do anything," i glare at him, only to see him smile, although it's a menacing one at that.

"do you know the horrid publicity this would give? especially right before the album drops? you remember the shit we got for your little snapchat photo, and now it gets out that you got with some intern?" he says, but i don't comprehend a word of it.

"i don't care what it'll look like for me," i respond sharply, making his smile grow as he rolls his eyes at me, as if i just said the most idiotic thing.

"what about for her, hm?" he starts, making my eyebrows furrow. "she'll be fired, obviously. and these photos will be leaked. no one will want to work with her, because who wants an unprofessional whore working for them? her career will thus be over, and for what? it's not like the two of you will stay together, as she'll probably resent you for ruining her dreams." he speaks with a nonchalantly, as if he didn't just break my heart into two. i'm no longer angry, i can't be. all i feel is guilt, and frustration.

not at indigo, but at me. how could i have been so selfish? i let myself get with indigo, when i probably should have. i let an attraction grow into something more than it should have. she deserves this job, and she deserves to get more, but here i am jeopardizing this.

"she's not a whore. i came onto her," i respond with a shaky breath, the urge to throw up growing.

"i expect whatever is going on between the two of you to be ended by tomorrow. we don't have time for this," he says, no hesitation in his voice. my heart clenches at the thought of ending things with her. how do i turn away from the one person that has made me feel so intensely?

but i need to do this. i need to stop thinking of myself and think of indigo. if i end our romantic relationship, she'll keep her job and gain the experience that she deserves. i can still see her, and maybe we could be friends.

you could never just be friends with indigo.

my brain shouts at me, but i try to ignore it. i love her, and i don't think i'll ever stop. but i can't jeopardize her career, her happiness, for my own personal gain. i promised myself i would do anything for her, and i'm determined to keep that promise.

"o-okay. i'll end it," i say, making elliot lean back in his chair and stare at me quizzically. "but she has to keep her job." he ponders my words, before nodding slightly.

"okay, but i expect it over, and if i find out otherwise, she will he fired and i will make sure TMZ has an entire page dedicated to her and how she forced herself onto you in exchange for money," i cringe at his words. my gaze hardens as i stand up from the chair, not uttering a single word as i walk briskly from the office, not even bothering to shut the door on my way out.

a/n

oh. all i have to say about the next chapter is

i'm so sorry