flower; ch

"oh flower, you have no idea how lovely you are."

every time you are near, and i
feel vibrations
what are your expectations?
{sweet emotion, the kooks}

calum

hearing indigo say she felt the same as i did was the highlight of my year. i didn't realize how hard i was crushing on her until i heard her tell luke that we were "only friends." when she asked me why i was so upset i didn't know how else to explain to her, so i just kissed her. a really fucked up move if i do say so myself. i mean, with her past, i doubt me randomly coming onto her was a good way to show her i care.

but goddamn, that kiss. it was better than anything i imagined. it was as if we were made for each other, as fucking cheesy as that sounds. when she brought me up to her room tonight i thought she was going to tell me how she doesn't think this could work. how she didn't have feelings for me and wanted nothing to do with me. but then she kissed me.

she kissed me

when i first met indigo, i knew i was attracted to her physically. she was so effortlessly beautiful and pure, who couldn't? what i didn't expect is that i would start falling for her within a month. it's rather ridiculous sounding if you ask me, and i've never developed feelings so quickly.

i've had flings, and a relationship or two, but never took any of it too seriously. mainly because i was always on the road, and didn't want to start something i couldn't keep up with. besides, those relationships were mainly focused on sex. not that i slept around, but it was the only type of relationship that made sense to me at the moment.

i had one relationship, if you could even call it that, when i was 18 that lasted 9 months and it was enough to make me decide i didn't want one for a long while. it was with a much older woman, and it wasn't the most traditional. when the band was getting more and more successful, girls were all of a sudden very interested in me and i was far from experienced. i'd try to hook up with these random girls, and had no clue what i was doing, so they would leave. when i met alexia she had a proposition in which she would teach me everything i needed to know in exchange for me taking car of her living accommodations. she took my virginity, and did indeed teach me everything. as these things often happen, i developed feelings for her and begged her for more. she wanted out so she said i either let her go or she exposes our relationship to the public. not wanting to tarnish my reputation, i agreed. since then i wasn't interested in depending on someone like that, and i didn't want anyone else depending on me either.

when we were on break for the past 2 years, i didn't really focus on girls too much. i lost myself at the beginning, right after getting off tour. i didn't know what i wanted from the band and all this new fame i acquired. not to mention i was used to being on tour nonstop. i started partying and let myself get sucked into the wrong crowd. girls in tight clothes, drugs, shitty music so loud you could hardly think.

it was messy, and it didn't take me long before i realized that was not what i wanted. so i took a step back. i delved into my writing and music. i traveled a bit and hung out with people that lifted my mood. i adopted a dog. once we started working on Youngblood things started to feel right.

things with indigo are similar. she's such a bright light to me. when you're on tour it's easy to get sucked into the routine. becoming a music playing robot without focusing on what's truly important. i adore indigo, and now that she knows and feels something towards me as well, i'll do just about anything to keep her light shining towards me.

i'm sitting downstairs in the private room we're all supposed to meet in before we leave for the eiffel tower. indigo and andy are the only two that aren't here yet, and we're leaving in 5 minutes. the door opens and in walks indigo and andy. she's laughing at something he said, and looks absolutely adorable. andy walks over to the chairs that me and the boys are sitting in, and indigo is close behind him.