flower; ch

thank you for everything

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i truly don't have words to explain how much this book means to me. how much each of you mean to me. when i wrote the prologue originally, i had a very good life. my parents were together, i lived in a nice house, i was pursuing my dreams, and i knew what i was doing in life.

in may of 2018, my life shattered. i lost everything. my family fell apart, we were forced from my house, i sold my horse (and horses were my life before then, they were the single most important aspect of my life). i said goodbye to everything i knew before, which turned out to essentially be a lie, and started fresh.

discovering new passions was undoubtedly the hardest thing i've had to do. i had lived the past 8 years on a specific path, my life revolving around it, and suddenly had to give it up.

somehow though, i managed to do it. i found photography, and writing. i used to hate writing, so much. i could never get my thoughts out, i never enjoyed doing it. last year, i realized i needed an outlet. i had begun this story many months earlier, having forgotten about it. i decided to try to pick it up.

every struggle, every heartbreak, every betrayal, i coped with through the characters and scenes in this novel. through every single aspect of this story i portrayed my feelings, by giving them to someone else in a different situation.

granted, i'm not photographing 5sos and falling in love with calum hood. yet putting aspects of myself in this story, it gave me so much hope. not to do exactly that per say, but that maybe i will get a happy ending. in life, there won't be one happy ending you will get. i've certainly learned that, however, there are successes. we get multiple happy endings in life.

these happy endings are not truly the end, as they may often be followed by some sort of setback, but such is the nature of life. it revolves just as the earth we live on does. writing this story, although fictional, gave me not only an outlet, but an example of how one can go through the lowest of lows, then to the highest of highs, and then crash down once again.

from what i've seen, life will never stop changing. in literature you often get the impression that there is a happily ever after. it's a satisfying ending, but it also makes reality even more disappointing. do you ever finish a book and wonder what happens next? any end to a story is never truly over. unless everyone dies i guess, depending on your beliefs.

sorry for going off on a bit of a tangent, i get carried away easily. i'll be writing some bonus chapters, of how i imagine the future of indigo and calum going. i hope you enjoy those, or you can archive this book and be done with it. anything you'd like.

i just want to say, i love you all so much. (fuck im crying now?? stop it) you guys have changed my life whether you know it or not. i had no plans of this book going anywhere. it still shocks me how many people care about what i write.

i could write a whole book on what this story has given me, but that would probably be pretty fucking boring.

thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you,thank you, thank you,
THANK YOU!

so much love for you all,
kayl xx