42. Never

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Crushed.

Imagine being locked in a room, and the walls are just coming in on you. There are no doors, no windows, no vents, no holes, no way out. You just have to let the fact that your going to die soak in.

It gets closer and closer until you can finally reach out and touch the walls wth your hands. You realize that this is your last few moments. Then you feel the walls touch your chest.

Seconds. That's how much of your life you have left. Then the pain seeps in. You can hear your bones crack, and all your insides are just smushed. You knew your practically dead.

The pressure builds up and you find it hard to breath. Your lungs tighten and they feel like exploding. Black spots start covering your eyes, and limiting your vision. Then the walls finally connect with each other.

And your gone.

I felt the tears just burst through my eyes as if they were sprinklers. I shook my head no, as if it would fix it. I felt an arm wrap around my upper body. I was pulled into a another body, and was embraced with a hug.

I cried into the shirt, not knowing who it was. I look up to see it was Sean. He was the one who had stepped in and tried to comfort me. So, he didn't hate me after all.

"I am truly sorry. I pray for your loved one's life." The doctor spoke, sorrow laced through his words. Even though he would never feel the same pain that we would feel. He would never have to live with the "what ifs." Maybe I'm just saying that because I'm the one that's hurting so badly

I sat down on an uncomfortable brown couch. I sat down closely to Sean. I didn't want to be alone. I can't be alone, not now. Then again, Magen some alone time would help me sort through my thoughts might help.

I don't know how Luca's gang members, his very own friends, are sealift with this. They sat down with straight faces, but I could see right through them.

Anger.

Regret.

Pain.

All those expressions were written a on their faces. However, they kept their cool. While I just broke down and sobbed into Sean's arms. Trying to maintain my sanity.

After a few moments, a nurse walked in and asked us for a minute of our time. I didn't want to hear it. Before I could say anything, Sean clasped a hand over my mouth and spoke. "Of course."

She cleared her throat and spoke in a soft voice. "Since we all know, your loved one will be here for a little while. I think it would be best for you guys to go home and rest. It had been a long day. You can leave your phone number, so we can contact you as soon as anything happens.

All of the boys agreed, and took me. However, the boys didn't really give me much of a choice.

******

We arrived home, and the house felt so empty without Luca. We entered the living room. I shivered. "Will you be okay?" I heard Josh's gruff voice filled my ears. Without turning around, I said, "I'll be fine." Then walked away without saying another word.

Pain was just filling my insides, and I couldn't seem to make it stop. It was a mental pain, but it took control over my physical self and drained me.

I slowly crept up the stairs, even though I didn't have to creep. Nobody was upstairs. Nobody was waiting for me. I could feel more tears coming, but I already had a painful headache from crying so much already.

I walked into Luca's room. He would usually call it "our" room. I put in my black and white pyjamas, a hopped into a bed. I pulled up the blankets and rolled over on Luca's side of the bed.

It smelled like him. Oh I missed the smell of him. I know I'm sort of acting like he died, but he hasn't. He won't.... Not yet anyway.

I stayed there, and felt myself falling asleep. Even though I feared closing my eyes. I didn't know that when I woke up, Luca could still be alive, or he could be dead.

I really didn't want to take my chances. I really didn't want to risk it. What if I woke up tomorrow, and he would already be gone? I would never be able to live with my self.

Never.

****

A/N

Sorry for the short chapter. It gets better (and longer) don't worry.

Dorm forget to VOTE and COMMENT, it is appreciated. Feedback is welcome. Spread the love.

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-Coridella13

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