FOOT PRINTS OF CHEMISTRY

Chapter-27

In these three months, my life was going quite very smoothly. My schedule was a mixture of hardwork, fun, and peace. It almost felt like I had everything. I did have everything........
Including doubts, anxieties and fear of the future.
My day would begin with me going to my coaching classes. And I know this sounds a little stupid but, I would actually pay attention there. Stupid because, I am not one of the people who pay's attention. I had to concentrate on this new subject, if I wanted to understand it. After the classes I would rest a little, which was basically the compensation of the lack of sleep at night. Then I would wake up, and study for some time. Then head out with my friends. I mean why not? My school was finished, the result weren't out yet. So we were just chillin. Then the best part of the day. Talking to Aamya. And of course a lot of studying in between all this.
This was the main schedule I used to carry out. But one thing which I did not mention in this was, the panic attacks, the anxiety overload. The troubling doubts about the future. The fear of actually ending up destroyed. All this tension and stress would eat me up at times. Blocking me from thinking anything positive. Preventing me from doing things. It was painful. Although I wasn't suffering from any physical pain. But my heart ached.
The worry about my future was unbearable. There were times when I used to think.....I should quit......I should quit everything. That it doesn't matter how hard I try....I'll end up shattered. I was afraid of my dark future. I was so scared at times, that I would cry in my room for hours. I had trouble sleeping. During all this time....going through all this shit....I never told anyone anything. Not even Aamya. I didn't wanted her to feel guilty. Not a soul on the earth, knew about my suffering...my pain.....
For the world I was a happy-crazy in love soul. But inside I was a coward. I scared little boy. The future, I thought I would destroy with my own hands. I was in depression but, it used to be there only for some time. Because the rest of the time went in pretending that I was OKAY. I fought with my anxiety. And never gave up. Never really did I quit. Even when my brain was telling me to. I was listening to my heart. And only my heart.....