FOOT PRINTS OF CHEMISTRY

Chapter-74

The therapy sessions were fixed to be continuous till 2 weeks. And if need of more help will be needed, they will extend the sessions.

I'll regularly go to the classes, even while therapy. That wont stop. But time for anything else, I wont have.

For the first some days it was very weird, telling someone I didn't know, all that had happened with me. Especially, when I'm in the habbit of suffering alone and not telling anyone.

But with time it became easy, and I could sense my mood uplifting. My therapist told me to avoid using social media for the time being, since it could hinder the whole process. And I was very happy to comply.

In classes, I sat alone and didn't look back at Rohan's desk, where I assume Aamya now sat. I kept to myself and focused on my studies. Atleast, I tried to.

I tried accepting the whole thing, and tried to let it go. Told myself, that my past does not define me. But I still felt like I didn't deserve it, so why'd it happen with me? But these questions were the reason, why I'd go insane so I dropped them. I thought about a lot of other things. Other positive things that is.

My therapist told me, that if I survived for this long, I could probably survive more and that, one day maybe I'd start living my life instead of surviving it.

Within these two weeks, I realized that apart from myself, the two people I did horribly wrong with, were my parents.
I tried my best to make it up to them.
I started talking to my mom. Telling her things. Helping her with things. I helped dad with his business related work. I started EATING with them. Now that's what I call progress.

I even....apologized from the maid for my outburst's, when I wasn't in the right state of mind. She was speechless, so I considered that as a 'I forgive you'.

My mom laughed about the whole ordeal. And I loved it, because I haven't seen her laugh in months, and I know fare well why.
And I'm more than just guilty for it.

I still felt the need to cry two or three times. I didn't know why it was happening, but it would start and then I'd be fine in 20-30 minutes.

I guess the hurt was too much for me to take afterall. The physical pain during my mental break downs have subsided. I still get a headache, after crying but atleast the brain bleeding ringing has stopped.

It will take more than a little time for me to gain my weight again.

And my parents got teary eyed, everytime my 'weight' was brought up. I still didn't eat like I used to before, but that was because I wasn't in the habbit of eating whatsoever. And whenever mom fed me more than I could take, I'd always throw up.

I know its serious and I'm guilty that I brought this upon my body. I treated myself as harshly as Aamya treated me. And it was wrong. Because no matter what happens, no matter who betrays us, the responsibility we have towards ourselves should never be ignored.

In the end of the day, all we have is ourself. And we should take care of ourself first, but we never do that.

We owe it to ourselves, to be living such a beautiful life. But we also take ourselves for granted.

And I just hope I can make peace with myself, if I ever wanna make peace with my surroundings.