Always

Chapter 49

Okay, I really didn't need to know all that but he kept talking. "She's a model, so she would sometimes have work there." Of course she's a f*cking model...why the hell not...He continued talking, the words just chipping away at my heart. "It didn't mean anything, just sex. I don't know why we kept doing it exactly, we just did." "When was the last time Colby?"I asked, almost dreading the answer. He swallowed so hard, I saw the movement of his throat. "A little over 2 years ago, maybe..." I closed my eyes. "We weren't dating y/n. We were just friends, and I barely knew you. We were just hanging out." "Yeah, almost every day." I scoffed. "When did you even have time to come back to Kansas?" He lowered his head. "A couple of weeks after the party. I was only gone for 2 days. Remember, me and Sam both left?" I thought back to the very beginning, trying to remember and one particular weekend came to me, where I stayed home with Serena and watched stupid sappy chick flick movies because I was falling for Colby. While I was falling for him, he was screwing Tessa. Nice. I threw my arms up in the air and let them fall. "Well, this is just f*cking great then, isn't it? You're right, technically we weren't dating but I was spending every possible minute with you! You were asking me to spend every minute with you, when you weren't filming videos, or whatever else for YouTube. Why in the hell would you go home and screw her?" I was almost yelling by now. "Please baby, shhh. Lower your voice." I was fuming..but I had been raised to be respectful. I tried to do some deep breathing to calm down but it wasn't working. "I don't know why. We weren't sleeping together, and I didn't know if it would lead to anything. I did know that you were always on my mind. It never stopped, no matter where I went or who I was with. When Sam and I came home for that weekend to film a Kansas video, we hooked up with our old crowd and got drunk. Tessa was there." He scrubbed his face with his hands. "I know it was stupid. I shouldn't have done it or I should have told you sooner. It was only once and it didn't mean anything. Maybe I was trying to see if I could get you out of my head. I've never had a female affect me like you did. Like you do." He brought his head up and his blue eyes found mine. I didn't know how feel about this. No, technically he didn't cheat on me, so why did it feel like he did? Why did it feel like my heart was sitting there under his black Converse, getting scrubbed into the carpet with his shuffling feet? I felt the tears start prickling my eyes and I screwed them shut to try and stop them. I was sick and tired of crying over everything lately. I heard him stand up from the bed and walk my way. I felt his hand touch my face and I jerked away, opening my eyes. Colby was on his knees in front of me, one hand on the arm of the office chair, one up in the air coming back down to the arm rest. He looked hurt that I had jerked away but I didn't want him to touch me. Not when all I could see inside my head was images of him and Tessa doing....that. I hastily wiped my face with the back of my hand, and dried my eyes with the arm of my shirt. "You said you were still talking to her." I tried to keep my voice neutral but it cracked on the last word. "I still talk to most of our friend group occasionally. Just a text here and there. Just enough to keep in touch." He tried again to touch my face. I froze but I let him. "Why didn't you tell me before now?" I asked, trying to forget the way that his fingers felt tracing my jawline. He shook his head. "Mainly because I didn't think about it. It was so long ago. I didn't tell you at first because we weren't really together. When we finally official, I kept it in because I didn't want to lose you. That's not really a good thing to say in a new relationship, is it? Oh hey, I went back home and f*cked my old girlfriend to see if I could get you off my mind." I winced at his crude words. "Sorry." He replied, bashfully. "I didn't mean to..." I shook my head, blinking rapidly to try and stop the tears that were still coming. "Please don't cry baby. I'm so sorry. If I could take it back, I would." He laid his head over in my lap, his arms resting beside my legs, and his hands gripping my hips. "I didn't know how much you would mean to me. I didn't understand what I was feeling and it scared me at first. Remember, it scared you too.." My hands had involuntarily went to his head, and my fingers were running through his hair. When he said that, I shoved his head a little and brought my hands away from him. "Yes, it did Colby. Because I was scared that you would hurt me. Because that's what I'm used too. I didn't go F*CK someone else!" Like I would have been able too anyways. The only other person that I had ever even had sex with was my ex and we all know what a disaster that was. It bothered me that Colby had such a vast sexual background but I tried to always push it to the back of my mind. It didn't matter, because I had him now. But it did matter because here it is slapping me in the face. His grip tightened on my hips and he raised his head. "What can I do?" His eyes were pleading. He was kind of starting to piss me off by always using his eyes on me. What was I supposed to do tho? Blindfold him when we have a fight? Is this just a fight? I stared into his eyes while I thought about that. Is this enough to tear us apart after everything that we've been through. 

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