Always

Chapter 52

I shook my head, anger showing from every action I made, except my whispered voice. "Don't you dare try to defend her actions again Colby Brock. Don't you dare." I pointed my finger at him and he held up his hands. "I wasn't going too! I just wanted to talk about it first!" I sighed in defeat, looking into his eyes. I was really going to have to invest in a blindfold...or keep a bandana in my pocket for when we argue. Otherwise, he would always win. I watched as a slight smile started curving his lips, knowing that he had won. "Just say whatever it is you wanna say Colby," I snapped at him. He might have beautiful ocean blue eyes that I could hardly ever say no too, but that didn't mean that I was happy about it. He put his hand on my thigh and squeezed. "Tessa has been my friend for a long time y/n. Before we started dating, she was one of my best friends. Even after I broke up with her, we still remained friends." I shook my head at him. "I don't understand that. She cheated on you. Why would you still want to be friends with her?" He sighed heavily, letting the memories come back to him. "I didn't...at first. After a while of us not speaking, making it awkwards within our friend group, I just decided to let it go. I felt better when I did too." I still had questions. "How did you guys end up being...friends with benefits?" I didn't like the way the words tasted on my mouth, like something spoiled. He looked down into his lap and started playing with random string from one of the rips in his back skinny jeans. "I'm not really sure. She was dating some guy at the time, but I was single. I didn't really date after her, because I didn't want to go through that pain again. We were all hanging out in one of our friend's basement. Everyone ended up leaving except us. We started talking and one thing led to another." He looked back up at me, and met my gaze. "It just sort of happened. After that, it always happened. I realized that I could fu--have sex with her without feeling anything for her so I did." I didn't understand that either really because I had never had sex just for fun. With Nick, it started out with love, then quickly changed to obligation, then his demand. With Colby, it was, and always has been for love. "What about the other girls? They didn't care that you were sleeping with other people?" I was honestly curious, even I hated to think about him being with all of these other girls, especially Tessa. "I didn't tell them. There was no point. I didn't 'date' them. We were just hanging out and having fun, occasionally having sex. So if Tessa came to town, then we would hook up. It wasn't a big deal because nothing ever came from those other girls." He grasped my arm and pulled me sideways on the couch to face him. His blue eyes were intense, burning into mine. "The last time I even saw Tessa was right after I met you. I didn't think anything of it because we weren't dating, just like the other girls." That hurt. I didn't want to think of myself grouped in with a list of random strangers that he just had his way with. "I knew that you were always on my mind, but I didn't understand why. I didn't know that I was developing feelings for you until I.." He paused, looking unsure. "Just say it." I sighed. "Until I had sex with Tessa, and all I could think about was you." I blinked at him a couple of times, trying to wrap my mind around that. "What? You had sex with her, but what? Imagined it was me?" Why did that make me happy?" I started giggling like a mad person. Colby confirmed that when he looked at me like I was crazy. "What are you laughing at?" he exclaimed in a hushed tone, his eyes wide, twisting his earring nervously.  I knew that I was beginning to be too loud, but I couldn't help it. "You--you had s-sex with h-her, and pretended it w-was m-me!" I couldn't catch my breath. This struck me as incredibly funny and I really wanted to be the one to tell Tessa. I wiped my eyes and took a few deep breaths to calm down. I noticed the smile on Colby's face as he watched me. "Yeah, I did. You were always in my head. We hadn't done anything yet, but I had seen you in a bikini sooo...I have a good imagination." He winked at me and squeezed my thigh again. "But it was nothing compared to the real thing." I blushed and squirmed under his eyes, and the feel of his fingertips trailing up my leg. "Okay, off topic Brock! Still doesn't explain what you need to talk about." I couldn't let him distract me, but my self control was slipping. He chuckled but kept his hand on my leg, drawing little patterns with his fingertip. "I know this is going to sound bad but I was hoping you would let me talk to her again. I want to make her understand and maybe give her one more chance, before ending a long childhood friendship." I closed my eyes, feeling the weight in my chest as I took in his words. He wasn't ready to let her go. I get it. He's been friends with her a long time, more than friends even. Why did I feel like he was choosing her over me? "Do you still love her Colby?" I asked him, my voice barely a whisper. "What?" I felt his strong fingers on my chin, pulling my face towards him. "Look at me." He demanded. I opened my eyes and met his gaze. The hand on my face cupped my cheek, before he trailed it down and rubbed his thumb over my bottom lip. "I only love you. I have love for her but not that kind, not our kind. It's just friendship." He leaned towards me and nipped my lip with his teeth. 

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