Mess Around

Chapter 53: I'm Not Playing Anymore

I close my eyes letting the warm water pour over my head and body. I hold my face in my hands and sigh. I can't believe I let things go that far yesterday. I know why I did it. It was a mixture of things. Jace was upset, I was upset, i felt shit and lonely and it sounds horrible but he was a distraction. I feel terrible because his dad is dead... but that's the truth. I don't feel anything for him any more. In fact it's made me realise even more more that me and him are really over, and I actually really like Michael... It was a mistake... and now some how I'm going to have to explain that to him without him getting more upset. His dad has just died... I feel so bad. I mean, last night felt good, but it didn't feel right at the same time. And it's not how I feel when I'm with Michael...

I finish in the shower and wrap a towel around my body. I take a deep breath and leave the bathroom. I walk in to my bedroom and see Jace in just his jeans. He looks at me, picking up his shirt. I look at him as we both stay quiet.

"Jace..." I say quietly.

He just stares at me.

"I wanna talk about last night..."

"Me too..." He nods slowly.

I show half a smile and walk closer to him.

"I don't want to upset you anymore than what you already are... because I know this is a horrible time for you."

He stares at me, keeping quiet. But I can see on his face he knows what I'm going to say.

"You were upset last night, and so was I. What happened was just something in the moment... just a one time thing. You know I just want us to be friends."

Tears cloud over his eyes and I frown. He swallows and looks down.

"Did you do it because you felt sorry for me?"

"No." I shake my head and frown.

"I was upset about my dad." He nods. "But I didn't do it because I was sad. You know how much i still care about you. You know how much i want you to be mine again."

I nod slowly and frown.

"I'm sorry..." I say, trying not to cry. "I care about you too and I wanted to be there for you... but I let things go too far yesterday. I was upset and I wasn't really thinking."

He stares at me, holding back his tears.

"It's ok." He nods. "I was kind of expecting this." He sighs and runs his hand through his hair. "I know you don't love me any more. I thought your feelings might have changed after last night... but I guess it's really over between us... and I only have myself to blame." He frowns. "Someone else has your heart now."

I lower my eyebrows. I know he means Michael...

"Jace I don't want to upset you." I shake my head. "I want us to stay friends."

"I can't just be your friend though Sam. I love you." He frowns. "For a second last night I thought I had you back."

"Jace, I'm sorry. I can't be anything more than a friend to you. This is my fault for letting things go too far, but I still want to be here for you. I get that it's hard for you..."

He frowns and wipes his eyes.

"Its fine. I understand." He sighs. "I shouldn't have let it happen either because I knew deep down it wasn't what you really wanted."

I walk in to him and give him a hug. He holds me and takes a deep breath in. I feel so bad. A tear rolls down my cheek and I sigh.

"I'm sorry. I don't know why I have to be such a bitch and upset people."