Scrapped Stories

Cards Against Hackers Ch.3: Stealing What?!

Players:

Dorian Moon: 1

Draq:

Griffal: 2

Neptune:

Noire:

Blanc/White Heart:

Plutia/Iris Heart: 1

Vert:

Raidea:

Saka:

"Ah, that was nice." I turn to Neptune as she enters the room. "And exactly how long do you think you were gone?" Neptune looks at me in confusion. "Huh? It's only been 15 minutes..." ~ "It's been three months!" Raidea nods in agreement. Neptune shrugs and takes a seat. "So, who's turn is it?" ~ "Noire is next." I look over to Noire who nods and grabs a black card. "I told IF that if we were to ever resort to stealing, don't let Neptune talk us into _" I check my cards and smirk as we all put our cards in. Noire shuffles them and the calamity begins. "I told IF that if we were to ever resort to stealing, don't let Neptune talk us into ripping Draq's legs off." Draq clutches his legs. "Ooh, dems a b!tch." Noire turns over the next one, and struggles to control her laughter. "I told IF that if we were to ever resort to stealing, don't let Neptune talk us into dying at the end of every series." Neptune and I both grasp our chests. "Gah! That's smarts." White Heart nods. "That seems to be the only way he knows how to end something." Griffal looks up at me and shrugs. "I can't think of good ways to end this series... Guess I'll die." Draq, Neptune, and I suddenly burst out laughing. When the laughing spasms end, Noire turns over the next card. "I told IF that if we were to ever resort to stealing, don't let Neptune talk us into how amazing it would be if everyone broke the 4th wall at the same time." Noire looks up at Neptune, then looks back at the card. "I don't think the wall could handle that much abuse." Iris Heart grins. "I don't know. Maybe the wall is a masochist." Noire shakes her head. "There's no way, the cameraman couldn't be able to afford it." Iris Heart turns to Noire. "Oh? Then would you like to take its place, Noire?" ~ "N-No!" Noire quickly turns over the next card. "I told IF that if we were to ever resort to stealing, don't let Neptune talk us into mysterious light grass." Noire shakes her head. "That was a horrible experience." Neptune puts on her 'Nepu' face. "Really Noire?! I thought you really enjoyed that, think of it as a cosplay outfit." ~ "A completely lewd cosplay outfit!" Neptune and I high five. Noire, doesn't seem too happy about our teasing. She turns over the next card. "I told IF that if we were to ever resort to stealing, don't let Neptune talk us into an illegal water gun fight." Iris Heart smirks. The rest of us shiver from the intense chill that just went up our spines. "So much nope!" By my command, Noire flips over the next card. "I told IF that if we were to ever resort to stealing, don't let Neptune talk us into Compa performing surgery." ~ "Sure you could do that, you could do that. But why? Why would you?" Everyone bursts out laughing by my reference. Draq pulls out a roll of tape. "Compa should use some of this." The next white card is turned over and by the hand of plot itself, we continue this game. "I told IF that if we were to ever resort to stealing, don't let Neptune talk us into having sex with Neptune." I clear my throat. "So... Who is having sex with Neptune? Is it IF? Is it you?" Noire shoots me an angry look. "Neither!"

(Meanwhile)

"Achoo! Ugh, it feels like someone is talking about me..." ~ "Roar!" ~ "Oh, right. Bahamut..."

(Back at the basilicom)

"I told IF that if we were to ever resort to stealing, don't let Neptune talk us into having a yelling contest with Copypaste." I cup my ears, as Neptune hits a button. The wall bursts open and Copypaste rolls in. "Hey there friends! What's going on here?! Ah yes, card games, perfect for making friends. Yes, let's cheer for friendship! Everybody! Yeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!!!" White Heart blasts Copypaste out of the basilicom with her axe. "And stay out!" Noire turns over the next white card. "I told IF that if we were to ever resort to stealing, don't let Neptune talk us into magically enchanted so you can't see her panties." Dorian looks over to Neptune. "Hmm.... Neptune. Byoing for me." Raidea dives under the table. "Hmm? Raidea, you know that mostly everyone here is wearing a skirt, right?" ~ "I'm gonna kill myself." Suddenly, a microphone drops from the ceiling and lands in front of Dorian, he grabs it and... "Kill yourself. It'll only take a minute, and you'll be happy that you did it. Just go over to your oven and shove your head in it." ~ "Better plan. I'll do a Saka." as Raidea leaped out the window. Before falling back onto his seat. Griffal stands up and leaves the room. "I'm done. He stole my trademark!" ~ "OH yeah my bad the Saka is getting your head stuck in a peanut butter jar." Dorian looks over to the door. "Grab me a mountain dew while you're over there." Once everyone had returned and all of the windows and doors were boarded up, Noire turned over the final card. "I told IF that if we were to ever resort to stealing, don't let Neptune talk us into guys in Gamindustri." Noire looks away from us. "T-They're not, that great." Draq, Griffal, Raidea, and I adopt a 'Nepu' face impression. "Oh really..." Noire raises a white card. "Who had dying at the end of every series?" I reach out and take the black card. "And that is how you make a good story." ~ "Or an edgy one..." ~ "You shut up!" Adding another point to my tally, the Czar's position has been switched to Blanc. She turns over the black card and smirks. She inhales and is immediately cut off by me. "So, how 'bout a bathroom break?" Will our hero be able to win this card game, will Blanc ever get to read her card, will Raidea learn how not to be an edgy douche, will Griffal ever bring Dorian a mountain dew, will we ever finish the first round?! Find out... In a few years!

End of Chapter.