Scrapped Stories

Cards Against Hackers Ch.4: Articles and Lawsuits

Players:

Dorian Moon: 2

Draq:

Griffal: 2

Neptune:

Noire:

Blanc/White Heart:

Plutia/Iris Heart: 1

Vert:

Raidea:

Saka:

"Okay, I'm back. The plumbers are in the bathroom at the moment, that's the last time I eat at Taco Bell." I sit down at the table with my hands together, exhale, check an invisible watch, then look back at Blanc. "Continue..." Blanc glares at me, unimpressed... W-When did she drop out of HDD? Blanc flips over the black card and reads it aloud. "Dengekiko's recent article displeased a bunch of readers because the topic was/was about ____." Everyone piles their white cards in front of Blanc. "Okay, so let's see... Dengekiko's recent article displeased a bunch of readers because the topic was about I want to touch Neptune all over drama cd." Neptune starts to act all seductively. "Oh my, how lewd." ~ "FIRE THE TORPEDOES!" Neptune falls out of her chair due to being hit by a paper ball thrown by Raidea. I check my pockets, pulling out a massive binder. "Raidea! You took one of my transcripts!" ~ "...I did? You have transcripts?" Blanc looks over to Neptune, who had unfolded the ball. "Neptune, what did Dorian write?" ~ "Let's see... His arm, bent back. Blood, pouring out of the wound in his chest. His intestines being stretched out by the gears of the machine... What the Nep is this?!" I take back the transcript and put it safely back in the binder. "Can you just read the next card...?" Blanc nods and flips over the next card. "Dengekiko's recent article displeased a bunch of readers because the topic was about Ripping Draq's legs off." Draq falls out of his chair, as Griffal laughs at him. "Blanc? I think you should continue before Draq has a stroke." ~ "Grk!" ~ "Too late." ~ "Dengekiko's recent article displeased a bunch of readers because the topic was Fabulous New Trend: Goddess Disguising Glasses." ~ "That wasn't disguise worthy at all, what you really needed was neckties." I check my IPod Touch as dishcork starts notifying me. "I think we're going to be sued by That Guy..." Neptune looks over to me. "What guy?" ~ "That Guy." ~ "Who's guy?" ~ "That Guy..." ~ "That guy...?" ~ "That Guy." ~ "Oh... That Guy." ~ "Yes, thank you." ~ "Okay... Who's Thatchi Goi?" ~ "I'm done! *sigh* We're gonna need to to something about this lawsuit..." Raidea looks over to Saka, "Dammit, this is why we can't have nice things! OH $#!%!" Raidea's phone vibrates, him checking Discord. "F*** I used Boletum's joke... 2 lawsuits... Hey Dorian, got any good lawyers...?" ~ "I know this one guy with incredibly spiky hair and loves to yell 'objection'..." Blanc flips over the next card. "Dengekiko's recent article displeased a bunch of reader's because the topic was about Necromania." I look over to Raidea. "So... What is a Necromancer anyways...?" Raidea suddenly gains extremely red eyes, as he turns some sort of result of pot... "Aeromancer, Terramancer, Herbomancer, Hydromancer, Necromancer, Pyromancer, Carnomancer, Chronomancer, Cryomancer, Electromancer, Flectomancer, Spatiomancer, Telemancer, Verbomancer, Venomancer, Kinetomancer, Hypnomancer, Chloromancer, Diviners, Alchemists..." Raidea turns back to normal. "Raidea? What was that?!" ~ "Magic." Saka simply nods, the only one who understood that. "So... Raidea, what are you?" ~ "I'm a Quinary Pyromancer, Necromancer." ~ "In other words, a cringy twelve year old." ~ "Precisely" ~ "Oh yeah, Dorian, what would you be, then?" ~ "Chuunibyou..." Blanc looks over to us, displeased. "Do you two even know what 'Necromania' is?" ~ "I know, but I wanted to let this joke go on longer. I don't think Raidea does though." ~ "Necromania is another word for Necrophilia." ~ "Please do go on for those of us who don't know what that means..." ~ "It means having sexual intercourse with corpses." ~ "... Raidea you said you were a Necromancer, right?" ~ "Yes." ~ "Does that mean you can bring people back from the dead?" ~ "I guess... Want me to try it on Nisa?" ~ "GO TO HELL!" ~ "Trust me. I'll be there... 4:00 next wednesday?" ~ "Let's aim for 4:30, I have drum lessons that day." ~ "You? Or the Author?" ~ "Does it matter?" ~ "Pay respects?" ~ "Pay respects." We clap our hands together in prayer. "Flat is justice." I look over to Raidea. "..." ~ "..." ~ "...You f*ck corpses?!" We turn back to a very angry Blanc, no wait... She's in HDD again.

I look over to Raidea. "I think she wants to read the next card." ~ "One would imagine." White Heart angrily flips over the white card. "Dengekiko's recent article displeased a bunch of reader's because the topic was about An alternate universe where Dorian Moon is the star of the conquest ending." Neptune looks over to me. "You wrote something like that, didn't you?" ~ "I may have..." ~ "Will anyone see it?" ~ "Probably not." White Heart flips over the next card. "Dengekiko's recent article displeased a bunch of reader's because the topic was about Nazis." Raidea slams his fists onto the table, "THESE DAMN NAZIS! THE COMMUNISTS WILL WIN THIS TIME!" I throw a book at Raidea. "SHUT UP! THE BOARD IS TRYING TO READ THE WHITE CARDS!!!" Raidea just looks at White Heart, as she throws a book at Dorian, which he catches in his hand. The book breaks his hand and drags him out of his chair, slamming into the wall, dragging up the wall and out through the ceiling...

White Heart smirks and flips over the next card. "Dengekiko's recent article displeased a bunch of reader's because the topic was Majestic @$$ Biscuits." Raidea glared over to Saka, "Would you like... ONE Majestic Ass BISCUIT?!" ~ "Isn't that how you proposed to Blanc?" ~ "No one read Cinnamon Toast Crunch." White Heart looks to Raidea. "Good..." Raidea nodded in agreement. White Heart flips over the white card... "Dengekiko's recent article displeased a bunch of reader's because the topic was about Onii-Chan." Everyone, except Blanc, burst out laughing. Raidea looking over to Blanc. "Don't worry, it's ok to be different. It just means you're special~!" White Heart slams the next card face up. "Dengekiko's recent article displeased a bunch of reader's because the topic was A dagger that looks a lot like the Gehaburn." ~ "Ugh, Saka O think i had a vietnam Flashback from Fate..." Saka nods. Neptune looks to them, "What's that supposed to mean?" ~ "Dorian became many pieces..." White Heart flipped over the final white card. "Dengekiko's recent article displeased a bunch of reader's because the topic was about Asking Blanc what her cup size is." At that moment, someone in the room, or out of the room, knew, they f*cked up. "WHAT?!" A book breaks through the wall and Raidea swats it back through the wall. The ceiling caves in and I fall back into my chair, with a cup of tea, and a majestic @$$ biscuit. "So... Who wins?" Blanc raises up the 'Cup Size' card, as I take it. "Pleasure doing business with you." The book Raidea swatted away breaks through the wall on the other side of the room and nails Blanc in the head, knocking her out. Raidea looks at the book, "And that. Children, Is how knowledge is true power." I stare at the unconscious Blanc. "I-I think she's going to be a while... Bathroom Break?"

End of Chapter