Can't stop||Todomomo

Wanting to Cry

Shoto's POV
I can't believe myself right now..... my mind empty just full of all shit I did.....
I can't believe I hurt her and my friends too......
I finally stop throwing up. I continue watching the video.....
"Alright, when you don't feel good just stop okay?" He says.
I'm shaking.
He clicks play on the video.
It looks like now I'm siting where I usually sit with Momo,
"Damn I'm that much of dick that I would go sit there." I say to myself.
I see Midoriya walk up to me.
"Please don't!" I say to myself.
I'm so angry at myself.
How could hurt my friends like that.
How could I hurt Momo so bad....
I feel myself about to throw up again.
"Need it again?" Mr. Aizawa asks handing me a trash bin.
I nod.
I throw up again, every time I think about how I hurt Momo is disgusts me so much.
I start watching the video again.
I see myself throwing a punch at Midoriya but this time Midoriya watches and cups my fist so I can't move.
I see Momo come in.
"Please no." I outloud.
I put my hand over my mouth.
But I hear her say this,
"I'm sorry, but I want to help you too."
"Why would you want to help me after all that?" I say to myself.
I'm such a horrible person to you. I can't believe I did that, it doesn't matter if I'm drugged or not I shouldn't have done that.
She removes the drug.
I see myself pass out into her arms.
"So she was the one who helped me?" I say,
"Yes she was, you hurt her pretty bad." Mr. Aizawa admits.
"But don't forget, Midoriya, Kirishima and Ochaco helped you too." He reminds me.
"Ok thank you." I say.
"I just- I just- don't think Momo deserves someone as horrible as me." I say.
He sighs,
"Look I'm going to keep saying this, that it wasn't you. I think if you just apologize you guys could make up and be happy again." He suggests.
"It doesn't matter if I was drugged or not. I can't believe I could hurt her." I say.
"Maybe if I just leave her now, she could go and find someone better than me. Someone who even if they were drugged, they wouldn't hurt her." I say.
I start remembering every time I've made her worried about me.
That's more times than she needs too.
I really don't deserve her.
"Hey she'll probably come and visit you soon, maybe talk to her than or play asleep which ever works for you. Anyways, your sister is coming to pick you up, rest up." He says as he leaves the Recovery Girl's office.
I lay back in bed. I stare at the ceiling.
I can't believe myself.
I hear the door open.
"Is it Fuyumi?" But I don't move.
"Oh, he's right over here." Recovery Girl says,
"Thank you ma'am." I hear Momo's voice.
I remember Mr. Aizawa saying I could play asleep.
I will actually do it.
I hear footsteps walk in.
I feel a hand brush through my hair.
I feel myself actually wanting to cry in that moment knowing that I won't get this anymore.
I want to grab her hand, say I'm sorry and give her a hug but I know I'm not deserving of that after what did to her.
"Sweetie, your bruises!!" I hear Recovery Girl say,
"Oh these are nothing. Um... it's from training!" I hear Momo say.
She lied. Those are from me.
I really don't deserve her.
She puts her hand on top of mine.
I want to hold her hand.
I really don't want to leave her.
But it's for the best.
"You must be so exhausted." I hear her say.
I want to respond but I can't.
"Please don't feel guilty after everything that happened." I hear her say.
"How can't I?!! I hurt you so bad and here you are still caring for me I really don't deserve someone as precious as you." I say to myself.
I want to hold her hand back, and ask her why.
But I can't. I don't even deserve an answer.
I know I'm stronger than this,
So why do I want to cry right now.
"I'm doing this for the best." I say to myself, knowing letting her go would save her from me.
I feel a kiss on my cheek and than I hear her walk away.
"Thank you ma'am." I hear her say.
"Of course come again!" I hear Recovery Girl says.
I want to cry now.
No one is watching.
But I can't.
I don't deserve to cry.
I need to know the same pain I caused her.