ｃｈｉｌｌ - Boyf Riends One Shots

ᴘʟᴀᴛᴏɴɪᴄ ᴛᴇᴄʜɴɪᴄᴀʟ ᴅɪғғɪᴄᴜʟᴛɪᴇs || Get In My Mouth

Inspired by Abed and Troy from Community and a song sung by Jeff Blim.
God bless Jeff Blim.

Also, of course, the Squip is nice in this. Jeremy took the Squip but they're just vibing.

Now to the one shot.
(make sure to leave ship requests. Brotp, OTP, ot3, ot4, whatever. Gimme your ships)

One final note: in order to write this chapter, I walked around my house seeing what I can fit in my mouth. Dedication.
•••

(Platonic) Jeremy x Squip

Jeremy and Squip sit on a coach. That stupid Netflix show Too Hot To Handle plays on the TV. They don't have a brain cell between them; they just stare at the screen silently.

Jeremy only moves to pop popcorn in his mouth. Squip eyes the bowl, squinting in a sideways glance.

"How much popcorn do you think I can fit in my mouth?" He asks monotone.

"You don't have a mouth" Jeremy replies with equal monotone-ness.

"Oh (つ .•́ _ʖ •̀.)つ" Squip looks back at the TV, his mind melting back to mush.

"Wait a minute" the Squip turns back to Jeremy. "You have a mouth"

"I do"

"How much popcorn can you fit in there?" Squip asks.

Jeremy looks to the bowl with a pout. He picks up a popcorn in his fingers, examining it closely.
"About twenty five"

"There's only one way to find out"

Just like that, Jeremy starts methodically shoving popcorn into his mouth. The Squip uses his mathematical counting skills to keep track of the number. Soon he's carefully trying to shove a few extra pieces of popcorn in there.

He points at his open mouth, silently asking the Squip how much popcorn is in there.
"You fit nineteen pieces"

Jeremy spits the popcorn back in the bowl, gagging on a few pieces in the process. After dramatically clearing his mouth, he takes a deep breath and looks to Squip.

"Only nineteen? Damn I thought popcorn was smaller"

"As the kids say, 'same'"

They fall into silence.

"You thinkin' what I'm thinking?" Jeremy asks.

The Squip raises both his eyebrows.
"Uh- Yeah I am"

"Let's see the quantity of different things that I can fit in my mouth" they say in unison.

"How did you know exactly how I was going to word that sentence?" Jeremy asks, slightly afraid.

"I'm in your mind. I can read your thoughts" the Squip confesses nonchalantly.

"True true true true true. What should we try first?" Jeremy asks, slightly more enthusiastic than when he started this conversation.

"Do you have marshmallows?" Squip asks.

"Mini ones"

"G e t t h e m"

Jeremy leaps off the couch, pausing before going to the kitchen.
"Squipster, you coming?"

Squip opens his mouth to say 'no fuck off im not moving', but instead shrugs and teleports to the kitchen. Yes. Squips can teleport. Fucking deal with it.

So the pair are now in the kitchen. Jeremy opens a new packet of mini marshmallows. He offers one to Squip who just looks at the packet sadly.

"I can't eat food Jeremy you know I'm seNSITIVE ABOUT THAT!" He whimpers.

Jeremy feels more guilt than he ever has in his whole life. He feels like he just hit a three legged dog that has ten kids and volunteers at a homeless shelter.

Jeremy takes a mini marshmallow before halting.
"Wait- mini marshmallows are too hard to do. There's too many I'll lose count"

The Squip throws back his head and sighs for a comical amount of time.
"Fine. Skip marshmallows. Let's go for sharpies"

"F U C K Y E A H"

Luckily, Jeremy keeps all his sharpies in the kitchen drawer. He shoves a few in his mouth, before gagging and bending over.

"Gag reflex?" Says the Squip.

Jeremy nods in anguish. But, this doesn't stop him. He shoves Sharpie after Sharpie into his mouth. Drool drips between the sharpies into his hands. Jeremy laughs a little in disgusted amusement.

The Squip would crack a smile if he could. Which he can, he just doesn't want to.

Eventually, Jeremy pukes the Sharpies onto the ground. He holds his throat for a second, scared that he swallowed one.

"How many?" He gasps.

"Drumroll please" The pair sit in silence as they imagine a drumroll. "Twenty two sharpies"

"Fuck yeah!" Jeremy punches the air in triumph.

"Don't be proud of that, that was fucking disgusting. Those sharpies are now covered in your saliva"

"A small sacrifice for a great feat" Jeremy dismisses him. "What else should I put in my mouth?"

"A giant dick" Squips eyes go wide. He contemplates his life choices as he stares at the floor. "I . . . I don't know where that cane from my apologies"

"Yeah we can save the dick for later. Until then, I'll try some thumbtacks"

"NO YOU WILL NOT YOU SAFETY HAZARD! Just put some highlighters in your mouth or something"

Jeremy snaps his fingers.
"That's genius. Lucky for us, I always store my highlighters with my sharpies"

From the same drawer he produces a dozen highlighters, some of them small, some of them large.

After four highlighters, Jeremy's face falls.
"Igan rowenhi fah" He says.

He spits out the sharpies onto the counter, repeating himself.
"I can only fit four" he pouts.

"Don't beat yourself up so much. Those are big sharpies and you have a small mouth"

Jeremy opens his mouth to object, but closes it when he remembers how small it is. He just nods with a closed jaw.

"Everything we've been putting in your mouth has been tame. We need something cool, something insane, something . . . big"

Jeremy looks around his kitchen. His eyes flit across knives and salt shakers. Finally, he spots it.

An ambulance pulls up to Jeremy's house. Micheal (his next door neighbour) runs over in a state of panic. He sprints to the front door, stopping an ambulance worker who's leaving the house.

"Excuse me sorry. What happened is Jeremy okay?"  He asks frantically.

The deadpan ambulance worker deadpans.
"He has a pen cap lodged in his throat"

"Heh?!" Micheal screeches.

He goes into the house to find Jeremy on his couch holding his throat.

"JEREMY WHAT THE FUCK?!"

Jeremy goes to speak, but it comes out as a quiet whistle. Squip appears.
Micheal raises his eyebrows.

"Squip? How can I see you if you're in Jeremy's head?" Micheal asks.

"Shut up some one needs to tell you what happened" the Squip responds.

"So what did happen?!"

"We were seeing how many things we could fit in Jeremy's mouth, and we ended up putting a small globe in his mouth. Shut up there's more to the story. We tried to pry it out with a pen, and we got the globe out but he accidentally swallowed the lid"

Micheal throws up his hands. He throws them up and fucking leaves.

•••
First platonic one shot! Make sure to request more ships or scenarios you wanna see.

- Avery