HeartBREAK

Chapter twenty-six

Disclaimer: This chapter is pretty sad so if you want to get in your feels, turn on 'Wide Eyed' by Billy Lockett for the vibe and make sure you have some tissues on hand.

Alec woke up from an overall discomfort. Looking at his watch it was 5 in the morning, that was a lot earlier than he has to get up usually. Yesterday they have been training with Valentine in order to be ready for the qualifier. Alec sighed- he felt drained but realized he probably woke up because of his soreness. As he tried to get up to get himself some water he realized he was right- his quads were on fire and his knee felt extremely sore as well. He scoffed and fidgeted for his phone. He had a couple of unread messages- yesterday evening he just fell into bed without checking his phone. 'I am so sore, tomorrow will be terrible.', Maia texted him yesterday night. Alec smirked- at least he wasn't going to be the only one. The whole room was dark and Alec didn't want to turn on the light in order not to wake Magnus. When he stepped into the kitchen, his eyes needed some time to adapt to the light- someone must have let it on. Alec limped to the medicine drawer they had and pulled out some warming lotion that helped with soreness and an icepack and tape for his knee. He wouldn't be able to fall asleep again anyways so he decided to take his time to take care of himself. After rubbing his entire body in the warming lotion he put on some comfortable clothes, made himself some tea and started cooling his knee. It was pretty swollen but Alec didn't expect anything else. It was cinematic. If Alec could freeze this moment, he would. Not because he was extremely happy or anything, just because he felt as calm as he hasn't felt in a long time. There was no stress, no rehearsal to get to, no dinner to be cooked, there was just him, his tea and his icepack. When he looked out of the window he noticed the sun started rising- weirdly, he wasn't worried about anything either. Not about his knee, the open house, not even about Magnus. He just leant back and took that calmness in. Ten minutes later, the sun has risen and his tea was drunken so he taped his knee, put everything back in the drawer and get to the bathroom to brush his teeth. Suddenly, he heard a click like their bedroom door made. Then he heard a sigh and a bump. Alec dropped his toothbrush and hurried out of the bathroom. The light was on again and he saw Magnus sitting on the floor with the bedroom wall against his back and his head buried in his hands. "Magnus?", Alec asked flabbergasted. "Alec, what are doing here?", Magnus asked as surprised as Alec was. But it wasn't only surprise. It almost seemed as if he was scared. "Have you been crying?", Alec asked as he saw his boyfriends red and swollen eyes. "No.", Magnus lied, "But why are you awake?" "I randomly woke up.", Alec lied as well and knelt down next to Magnus, "But I wanted to ask you the very same thing. Are you okay?" This is where Magnus broke down. Tears shut up his eyes and he shook his head:" No, I am not okay, Alec. I am not. It's haunting me, I can't sleep, I can't eat, I can't breathe, I can't keep this secret to myself anymore." "Hey, you can tell me everything.", Alec said an pulled Magnus into a hug. A hug he weirdly didn't return. In fact, he flinched. Alec looked at him thunderstruck. Everything inside Alec went cold. "I did a terrible thing, Alec.", Magnus cried, his voice shaking, "I did a terrible thing to you and to myself and if only I could turn back time and make things right, trust me, I would but I can't and it's eating me alive because it isn't fair!" Magnus dropped his face on his knees but this time, Alec didn't feel like stroking his back.   He didn't feel like moving at all. Everything inside of him went numb. He just sat there, completely frozen, like a towel drenched in grief and put in the freezer. A billion thoughts buzzed around his head. Was it what he thought it was? It couldn't be- Magnus wouldn't do that to him, would he? "Alec, I am so sorry. I was under the influence and that is no excuse and I stormed off right afterwards, I didn't feel anything, Alec, I love you! And if you can't forgive me for what I did I understand.", Magnus kept on crying and you could see the desperateness in his huge, teary eyes. Alec could see his pain. He could see how truly sorry he was and how devastated he was, but Alec himself couldn't feel any of it. He couldn't process his thoughts, he couldn't move, he couldn't feel anything. The unasked question seemed to be burning inside of his throat, but it didn't melt the ice in his heart. "Alec, please.", Magnus sobbed and put his hand on Alec's arm. Alec couldn't flinch. As much as he wanted nothing more, as much as he wanted to pull his hand away, as much as Magnus skin felt like acid on his, he couldn't. He didn't have the energy to. Who would have thought that peaceful moment at sunrise would be the last peaceful moment he would have for a very long time? "Have you cheated on me?", Alec whispered in disbelief. He just had to ask. And saying it out loud made it so awfully true. "Yes.", Magnus replied and started crying again, he said a bunch of other things afterwards but Alec couldn't hear them. 'Yes', a word of such beauty, a positive word, a word he used on a daily basis- who would have thought it could crush ones world? Who thought it could break ones heart? "Alec, I am so sorry.", Magnus begged, touching Alecs arms and shoulders, as desperate as Alec has ever seen him, "I love you.", Magnus whispered and his voice broke as he started crying again. As much as Alec usually would want to say it back, this time he couldn't. He couldn't say it back. At this point, he felt as if his heard has been ripped in pieces. There was nothing to love someone with. All Alec could do was keep on staring into nowhere and letting one single, silent tear escape his eye, run down his cheek, drop of his chin and leave a little stain on the carped. One single silent tear was all he had.

Oh wow- this was probably one of the hardest chapters I have ever written and it's a long one! In case that makes you feel any better- I cried while writing this so if anyone is feeling upset right now, you are not the only one. Feel free to drop your thoughts in the comments! Stay safe, XOXO, AllyMaii