HeartBREAK

Chapter sixty-one

"You're still here?", Raphael asked as he opened his door after the nap. "Of course.", Maureen replied. "Good for you.", Raphael said, his voice flat, and slammed the door shut. Maureen swallowed hard- don't cry, she told herself, don't cry. She has been unfair to Raphael, as she knew she made a mistake. But she wanted nothing more than to hug him, smell him, hold him, tell him everything will be alright. Being pushed away hurt. And Raphael wasn't the type of guy that pushed people away when he got hurt- Alec, yes. But Raphael not. Not her, anyways. "Raphael? Can we talk?", she knocked at the door. "I don't know what we have to talk about.", she heard his numb voice from the other side of the wall. He was falling apart and it was breaking her heart. "About us. About you. About what has happened. About what is going to happen. About me.", Maureen whispered. "Then you might as well start now.", Raphael said and she heard him sliding down the door. "Okay.", she cleared her throat and steadied her back against the other side of the wall. "I kept a secret from you. I Made a decision and I didn't want to tell you. It was never my intention to hurt you, it has been the opposite- I was trying to protect your feelings. But I have realized that by doing that I nearly ruined everything we had and I deeply apologize for that.", Maureen apologized. "Keep going.", Raphael whispered. "I made a choice. And I decided to drop out of NYABM after finishing my second year here. I chose happiness, Raphael. And I hoped you could be happy for me as well.", she said and heard Raphael sharply inhale. "What is the plan, then?", he asked with a shaky voice. "I applied for a job. I want to work at an ED clinic as a self love coach- and I want to do that through dance. I want to teach people to love their bodies by showing what amazing things their bodies are able to do. My concept is learning by moving and loving by groovig. And that was what I needed the videos for. That was what I was researching about the past weeks. This was what I kept from you." "Why?", he asked, despair flattening his voice. "Because I wanted to be sure before I tell you. I wanted to get the job before I tell anyone. I want you to be proud of me, proud that I accomplished something, not that I was thinking about taking my life into my own hands. "Nothing could make me more proud.", Raphael assured and sobbed. "Raphael, let me come in. Let me take your hand. Please!", Maureen begged and to her surprise she heard the door unlock. When she looked up she stared immediately into Raphaels' glossy black teary eyes. "I am sorry.",she whispered. Maureen has never meant something like she meant this sentence. It was the most from-the-bottom-of-her-heart thing she has ever said in life. "I forgive you.", Raphael responded with equal honesty. "Thank you.", Maureen sobbed and wrapper her arms around her boyfriends neck, pulling him close and holding him so tight, he must be close to suffocating. The casual scent of his bourbon vanilla aftershave made its way into her nose, stimulating her brain to release all the emotions she kept bottled up. The tears started running down her face like eternal rivers- she has never realized how much she missed holding Raphael. Of course she has missed the emotional connection, she missed the talks and kisses, but she never expected to miss those genuine hugs, she never missed the feeling of holding o to his navy blue sweater like her life depended on it and feeling his hands on her back, as if she was the only thing he could hold on to. "It's going to be alright.", Maureen whispered. Alec has texted her about Raphaels grandmother- she could only imagine Raphaels pain. "You know, don't you?", he asked when he let go of her. She nodded:" Alec told me. My deepest condolences." "Thanks.", Raphael sighed, his voice rough from tears. "You shouldn't be alone in here, thinking about what has happened. You shouldn't go through this alone.", Maureen said. "I know- I don't think there's anything I can do though.", Raphael replied. "There's a flight to Boston, leaving in four hours- I booked it for you. There is a flight back one week later, which I also booked for you." "You did?", Raphael asked as his eyes widened. Maureen nodded:" I did. Because I care about you, Raph. And Boston is where you need to be right now- with your family. You need the time to talk, breathe, grieve and heal. And there is no better way to do that then to get out of there and be with the people that are going through the same thing you are going through." "Thank you.", Raphael replied and gave his girlfriend another hug- she really did care. "You need the time off to process things. Take it. I will pick you up in an hour and take a cab to the airport with you. Pack your most important things and leave all the stress behind- now it's about you, okay?", Maureen sighed. "Okay.", Raphael replied. 

"Take care of yourself, Raphael.", Maureen whispered as he freed her from their final hug. They were at the gate and this was where they ways needed to part. As promised, Raphael packed his suitcase, said goodbye to his friends and joined Maureen to the airport. "I love you.", he replied and for a second, his glossy eyes looked clear. "I love you too.", Maureen replied with a weak smile and pressed a goodbye-kiss on his lips. "See you soon.", he sighed after the kiss. "Take your time. And when you are ready, I will be waiting right here for you.", Maureen replied and watxhed Raphael walk away, one silent tear running down her cheek- but this was not about her, it was about him.

Hello beautiful people! What a crazy couple of days it has been... My prayers are with the families of Vienna's terror attacks' victims. May they rest in peace. In addition, I am hoping all of my US American readers are safe, I wish you and everyone best of luck with the election- please stay safe and if you haven't yet, use your last hours to go and vote! Let's all hope for a better world. On this note, I am ending this chapter. Please stay safe everyone and take care of yourselves, I love you,
XOXO, AllyMaii