HeartBREAK

Chapter thirty-two

This is going to be emotional- if you really want to et in your feels listen to 'Lost without you' by Freya Ridings!

"So, what did you want to talk about exactly?", Magnus asked while he was already breathing heavily. He really needed to work on his stamina. "I will ask questions and you will answer.", Alec said with a cold, calm voice. "So what are you asking?", Magnus asked. "Nothing yet.", Alec replied and Magnus frowned:" So we are just going o run next to each other and not talk?" "Exactly.", Alec said. Magnus scoffed- this was not what he hoped for. He hated running and he hated Alec for making him. But, he tried to keep it together and kept running in silence, like Alec wished. Almost half an hour later Alec interrupted the wreckoning silence:" When?" So now he was ready. "The day I had the mental breakdown in the shower.", Magnus replied. He could see Alec bite his lip but apart from that his face was stone cold. Alec was trying to not show emotions but he was breaking on the inside. He vividly remembered how he came home and had the shock of his life when he realized Magnus locked himself in the bathroom with water running. He remembered how he ran to Raphaels room, thinking those were the last minutes of Magnus' life. He thought this was is. He thought he was losing the love of his life. And he probably would never forget the relief he felt when he saw Magnus in tht ahower, freezing, wet, but breathing. He remembered pulling him close, holding his ice cold body against his chest and feeling his skin soak his shirt. He remembered the relief. And now he realized he has been lied to. He poured his heart into this moment, gave Magnus everything, unconditionally. Never would he have imagined Magnus just cheated on him. He thought it was going to be okay. In silence, they kept on running for another awfully long 10 minutes. Alec wanted to restart the conversation multiple times but whenever he opened his mouth he felt as if he was going to throw up. He was disgusted by the question he had but it was like a grenade in his lungs, he had to cough it out before it would destroy him. "Who?", Alec asked quietly, and his world started turning. He didn't want to know but he knew he had to know. "Lorenzo Ray. The guys that wins all the auditions." , Magnus replied honestly. "The dealer?", Alec asked and Magnus nodded. Just as he wanted to open his mouth Alec immediately interrupted:" No further questions so far." He knew he sounded like a police officer or a court member but he didn't care right now. So the love of his life cheated on him with some successful drug dealer- didn't boost his confidence. Dozens of thoughts crossed his mind. Was he to bad of a dancer for Magnus? Was it because of him being a year poorer in experience? Was if because of his injury? That didn't make sense- Magnus stuck by his side when he was at his worst. What was wrong with him, he asked himself. "Why him?", he asked a little later. "Because he was there and you weren't.", Magnus whispered in response. He knew he had to be honest even though he saw he just crushed Alec. A single, beautiful tear rolled down Alec's cheek. Magnus' urge to wipe it away was immense but he controlled himself- he knew Alec didn't want to be touched right now. He knew Alec didn't want to be talked to right now. He knew Alec. And he knew he broke his heart. And this broke his. "Where?", Alec asked some minutes later. His voice wasn't cold and steady anymore but even though he was doing a pretty good job at keeping his mask on Magnus could hear his voice shaking. "At the set. I was under the influence and we had to put our foreheads together. And then it happened. I don't know why, but it did. And the second I realized what happend ran away. I was devastated, Alec." "Well, I am devastated too!", Alec yelled and stopped running. "I am devastated too! Because I have no clue what to do! Everything is falling apart and I can't stop loving you! I can't! I tried but I failed! I can't stop loving you, Magnus. Loving you is what I am good at. Loving you is my favorite thing to do. Loving you is all I ever do. Loving you is like loving myself. And even when I am too weak to love myself I always miraculously find the strength to love you. I need you, Magnus, and I hate to admit it. But I can't live without you. And when you cheated on me, it made me realize you may not feel the same way. You can live without me. You could drop me any second and you would survive. But I wouldn't, Magnus. Not talking to you has been torturing me but the thought of you leaving me crushed me. I realized how dependent I am on you. I realized you could leave, but I couldn't. And I can't be that vulnerable. I can't feel that vulnerable. I can't take it. So I needed to feel in control for a little while. I needed to feel like I decide when we talk or about what we talk, I needed some security for a little while. But no security in the whole world is worth losing you. You did a terrible thing, Magnus. But you are Magnus. I never stopped loving you. I can't fully forgive you now but I soon will. I promise. I just need my Magnus back." "Me too.", Magnus whispered through his tears. Slowly, he took Alec's hand. He could see him wince, but he didn't pull his hand away. "I want all of you back.", Alec said and leant forwards into the deepest kiss they had. And suddenly, with Alec's lips on his, Magnus knew it would be okay. He just knew. Because if he had Alec, he had the world.

Hello beautiful people! I am sorry this chapter came so late today but I was extremely busy as I am going to meet magnuswayland on Saturday and I am so excited as we know each other for 1,5 years by know. She is my wattpad buddy and she helps me so much so I am really excited! Hoping all of you are doing great! Stay safe,

XOXO AllyMaii