Life and Death-1

Working Towards Happiness

I loved writing this chapter and I hope you all love it too.

"Hey."

"What are you doing here?" I ask Alex surprised as he's just standing in the doorway of my apartment. Mark is on call tonight along with Callie and Cristina is drinking at Joe's with Meredith.

"Your boyfriend kicked me out of the hospital telling me I had to come and check on you but if it's just between you and me I was already worried." Alex explains to me.

"You're worried?" I ask him confused.

"Gen." Alex moves closer to me. He takes the sheets from my hands and places it on the bed. "You're burying yourself in work. No one has seen you. You barely eat. Talk to me."

"There's nothing to talk about. I'm focused on my work when before I was distracted with the Sloan drama. Now I..."

"You're not yourself Gen."

"You're wrong." I argue.

"Really?" Alex raises his voice now. "Because I remember you Intern year. You were kicking ass and that is the Gen I know. But this one." He points to me. "You're a ghost of yourself."

"I..."

"I understand you've been through a lot. You're trying to start a family. Trying to have a life and...what Sloan did was a bitch thing to do. She...she dangled that baby in front of you and Mark and took it away."

"I didn't want her baby." I blurt out to Alex.

"What?"

"I saw the way Sloan used Mark and me. Mark can have unconditional love for her because she is his daughter. She is his kid and I can't take that away from him. But I don't have to take her crap either. If I took her baby I would always live in fear she would take him away. I couldn't deal with that heartache so I allowed Mark's grandson to be put up for adoption. I did that because I was afraid and I feel terrible about it. I feel like I should have been stronger but this..." I throw my hands up in the air. "This is as strong as I can get. I...I'm at my breaking point Alex and I..." He pulls me into a hug and I sob into his shirt. "I want to give Mark a family of our own but it hurts. All of this hurts." I continue to cry.

"You two will have annoying beautiful children. Who are too smart for their own good. You will have that family you're fighting so hard for. I know you will."

"I'm sorry I'm..." I cry uncontrollably. "I freaking hate these injections!" I scream.

"What?" Alex asks confused.

"My hormone levels were a little low for Dr. Norris and she suggested we try IVF. So I'm getting ready for egg retrieval. And...merde!" (damn it!) I continue to cry more than I thought I ever could. "Damn hormones!"

"Okay uh...want me to take your mind off it? I..."

"Yes!" I scream as I can't stop crying.

"Well, Izzie sent me divorce papers. She...she's asking me for a divorce."

"Are you happy with that?" I ask Alex.

"I have no choice but to be. I...I've known for a long time that things are done with me and Izzie. I know that I have to move on. I..."

"God I want to kill that bitch! I want to run over her cancer surviving ass and...you know that's way too mean to say. Why am I saying that? I...I would never I..." I start crying again.

"Gen..." I hold my hand up trying to regain control.

"I'm fine I...I...I really don't like nor respect Izzie but...you go get that divorce and...if I wasn't trying to get pregnant I would so get drunk with you but..."