The Architect. [The Blacklist. Donald Ressler X Oc]

Trust

Ressler.

Torn allegiances, torn friendships, torn teams. What a mess we were in.

I knew something was up with Liz when she came at us with Reddington's case and a way to go after her mother. I knew something was up when she said that she was on Reddington's side, that she was going to help catch her mother. I knew otherwise, I knew she had interfered in investigations before, that she'd turned on Reddington many times, that she wanted the truth.

I recalled every aspect of the day Liz betrayed us over a bottle of Scotch, sitting in the backyard not intending to sleep the anger of, but rather drown it with alcohol. Not my smartest move.

At first, she said she understood that we were going after her mother, Cooper asked her for confirmation, and she said "Yes". Her voice quivered, and I should've known right there.

When we went to investigate our next lead at a warehouse, she confirmed that she'd tipped off her mother about a previous intent of Reddington to get her. I'm sure that she doesn't understand that we are legally on Reddington's side, and her choosing to go against Reddington was choosing to go against us.

I confronted her at the warehouse, I asked if we had her allegiance... Her coming forward with a clue she found at the warehouse hours later, without telling me she found it when she did, definitely tipped my scale of distrust.

She told me to my face that she knew her mother was trouble, I asked her if we could trust her, and she immediately said yes again.

I stupidly believed her, I believed she was with us up until the point she orchestrated a diversion to get away with her grandfather in custody. Her grandfather had been Katarina's target for a while, so what a better way of getting to him than turning an FBI agent and have him delivered to your door.

Another glass of Scotch followed as I  kept thinking about the last hunt I'd lead after her and Reddington many years back, and how different it was going to be from this one. Last time, I went after her giving her the benefit of the doubt, I wanted her to prove to a judge that she was innocent, now she couldn't say that much for herself.

After Cooper told us that we were going to issue a manhunt for her and her mother, and after everyone unenthusiastically agreed, she called to meet.

She asked me for time, she needed to get answers from her grandfather. I begged her to drop it before it was too late, and she had the nerve to call me out for what I'd done years ago when I was a teenager. I was pissed when she brought that up, knowing that my situation and her current one were nothing alike, I just couldn't believe that she would hold the biggest and darkest secret of my whole life over my head like that.

After that sentence she knew she'd broken the friendship we had, and even though I refused to leave her to deal with it by herself, I told her I would still do my job, and if I had to go after her again then so be it.

I don't know if she expected my answer, maybe she'd hoped to also turn me to her mother's side given that I also wanted answers about Reddington's identity, but I wasn't so easily swayed and specially not so easy on trusting people who'd orchestrated kidnappings, killed FBI agents, used barbaric interrogation tactics on FBI informants and their friends... I could not get behind Katarina Rostova, not even to reveal Reddington's identity.

I'd gotten so sick to my stomach when Liz mentioned how I'd killed Tommy Markin and how she tried to make it look like the same situation, but what also really made my stomach turned was when she pulled a gun on me when I told her I still intended to do my job.

"You didn't trust me when we first met. We've come so far to end the same way"

What a load of bullshit. I downed the last bit of my glass in one bitter gulp, then proceeded to grab the bottle to pour more in. In moments like these I can't help but wonder what would have happened if I'd never dug into Katarina's whereabouts, because she'd obviously resurfaced after I dug into her and found her mother and father, Liz's grandfather had been hiding from Katarina his whole life, and when Katarina resurfaced we put that men's life in so much danger.